Why is it that kids get all the milestones? Everybody makes a big deal out of the first tooth, the first step and the first word. Then, it’s the first day of school, riding a bike, and learning how to skate. Then, it’s Confirmation, Prom, graduation from something, and marriage. It seems like all the important things that happen in one’s life occur before s/he even turns 30. While it’s all well and good, it’s a total rip-off to anyone over 30.
Therefore, I propose the Opt-Out.
In society, 50 is generally regarded as mid-life. Realistically, that is a generous distinction since next to no one makes it to, or past, 100. Back in the day, when mortality rates were a little more sobering, reaching 50 WAS a milestone. Nevertheless, for most, 50 means that one has lived more than half of his/her life by this point. As such, s/he should received a reward for reaching this milestone. The Opt-Out is that reward.
At 50, you should be able to Opt-Out of your job/career. Some ambitious (and perhaps indecisive) individuals may have already explored a variety of careers, but I would venture to say most responsible Gen Xers have probably spent the bulk of their working years in one career. For those, I would say the Opt-Out should not be an option; it should be mandatory, even and especially if you like your career. Every person should be given the opportunity to try out a new of different career either for fun or out of curiosity (or both). The first time around, the career was chosen (or chose us) because a) we needed to make money/be independent, and/or b) we needed the career to help define ourselves (because who REALLY knows who they are at 22?). This time, the career should be for pure enjoyment, whether it’s the manifestation of a creative interest, or the enjoyment of a challenge that makes us feel wholly alive.
At 50, you should be able to Opt-Out of all relationships. One should enter into a re-evaluation period in which every relationship is scrutinized. Like the previous paragraph, we tend to get comfortable in relationships, which is both good and bad. In the good sense, it provides security and a sense of belonging, which Maslow insists we need. On the downside, the comfortability aspect can also be a hazard. We get used to patterns of behavior and put up with them because it’s habit or routine - kind of like putting on that hole-y, faded underwear simply because it’s still in the drawer. We may also put up with toxic behaviors, for the same reason; we have become complacent, shrug our shoulders, and think, “It is what it is.” Bullshit. It is what you tolerate.
That said, at 50, and after completing the re-evaluation process, if you decide you would like to dissociate with anyone, you should be allowed to do so without any drama or butt-hurtedness. After all, no one will know each other in heaven, so what’s the big deal if you get a jump-start on it? You should be able to say, “It’s been real, but in the best interest of time - my time - it’s time to move on.”
At 50, you should also be able to Opt-Out of the house/condo/farm/apartment, city, state, or country to try something and somewhere new. If you live too long in one place, one of two things will happen. First, you will get too comfortable, and if you’re too comfortable, you don’t grow. Second, you become defined by place, which means you are either owned by the crap you have accumulated or you have the danger of becoming phobic (xeno, geno, age, etc). Even worse, there is a danger of an arrogance derived from a false sense of superiority due to the community in which one lives.
In the same vein, you should Opt-Out from all belongings - all the accumulated minutiae of life to the moment. You should be allowed only one small, carefully-chosen token that represents the first 50 years, as it will ultimately become the foundation or starting gun for the next 50.
In addition to Opting-Out, you should also have to Opt-In as well. For instance, you should have to Opt-In to travel, regularly and wantonly, until you are physically unable to do so. You should have to Opt-In to trying “new” - both mental and physical aspirations. For example, in the mental realm, it could be finally trying therapy, trying improv, or trying meditation. As to physical pursuits, it could be trying yoga, sky-diving, or getting a regular massage. You should have to Opt-In to trying out a new relationship, but the caveat is that it must be with someone completely different than you - someone of a different race, age, religion, etc.
At 50, you should have to Opt-In to that one dream you have always had. It’s the dream/goal/escape that you have clung to through evil, sleepless nights, crushing anxiety, and bitter disappointments. That dream could be a trip, a race, a song, a vehicle, etc. That dream is different for each person, but by the time you turn 50, you are in a critical make-or-break bubble of time. The “someday” we have always whispered to ourselves is now today.
Straight talk? For the record, we are all kids. We are all someone’s kid, and to every 80 or 90 year old out there, we are all still kids at 50. So if milestones and kids go together, we 50+ kiddos are on point. Every day is a milestone. Each morning you wake up is a milestone. Therefore, it’s time to Opt-Out and Opt-In.
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