Who Were We Before We Were Born?

What were we before we were born?

In Proverbs 8, it talks about how wisdom was born before the earth began. It was there before all of creation, “as a skilled craftsman beside him. I was his delight everyday” (v. 30). Even though this is wisdom’s chapter, I think this applies to humans as well.

Psalm 139: 13-18 says,

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.”

I believe we were, long before we were born. The questions I have are Were we “clean slate” beings who were in existence from the beginning, created simply to worship him? Or did we already have a "'motherboard” in place, with attributes, strengths, and skills pre-loaded before we took on a human form?

We know we were born for such a time and place for this. Our appearance in the world is specific and intentional - location, companions, and circumstances. Regardless of all that, our purpose is, and always has been, to glorify God. We are to bring glory to Him in what we think, say, and do.

So when I think about my strengths (writing, resilience, encouragement) and skills (communication, maybe leadership, organization, and empathy), are these products only of being human, influenced by environment and circumstances? I am a highly empathetic person, who, as a by-product, is extremely emotional and sensitive. Is that because of my childhood and experiences?

I think these are pre-loaded qualities, which God deemed necessary and helpful for me during my time on earth. Other than being useful, I think He just wanted me to have them. Why? The easy answer is because I believe these qualities are of God and reflect His nature and character. How else could we explain grace and mercy, specifically the grace and mercy shown to us?

However, I also think that sin takes the basic package that we arrive with and skews it into something self-serving (which is sin).

For example, I will admit that it is easy for me to get lost in the dark forest of overwhelming emotion. Allowing my feelings to drive the bus of my life instead of God means that I miss the turn-offs and beautiful vistas that He desires for me. This happens chiefly because I choose to filter difficulties and challenges through the lens of self - how it affects me and makes me feel.

During my sojourn on earth, challenges are, and will be, inevitable, since I/we live in a fallen, imperfect world. It is a world where sin struggles to take control of the wheel, veering me into dark corners and alleys, which were never intended for me. Therefore, it is easy to be tempted to push myself - my interests, my hurts, my desires, and my feelings - to the forefront of it all. This is how sin works.

To avoid the dark forest of overwhelming emotion, I need to keep my life’s mission at the forefront - to bring glory to Him in all I think, say and do. How do I do that? There is no other way than making it a priority to keep connected to Him through reading and studying Scripture, and most importantly, spending consistent and regular time with Him. Spending time with Christian friends and influences can be helpful and supportive, as can listening to the messages and words of edifying Christian leaders. But they are every bit as human as I, and humans are imperfect. If these are the only sources of edification, it’s easy to take a wrong turn on the road of good intentions. There is no substitute for plugging into the source, which is Scripture and relationship with the Father.

Don’t be mislead: Emotion is a lovely tool, a necessary tool, to extend and teach grace, kindness, and compassion, all in God’s name and for His glory.

However, while I/we can’t avoid occasional wrong turns, road blocks, and backed-up traffic on the road of life, I/we don’t have to get lost or stuck. He always provides a way out, and it’s always 100% better than where we were.

Bury the Seed

 Matthew 17: 20 “For I tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

Like most seeds, a mustard seed has everything - all the plant DNA and potential - encased in the hard shell of a tiny capsule. From that minuscule seed is the potential for new plants and gazillions of seeds. It’s a hyper-multiplication of growth - growth beyond comprehension - and all from one seed.

In the natural world, to break the shell, the seed must be buried in soil, watered, exposed to sunshine, and given time. It may or may not sprout. There is a long list of reasons as to why that process might fail. The bottom line is there is a good probability for growth, but no guarantee.

In the spiritual world, growth is assured, and the possibilities are incredible and endless.

This all reminds me of Abraham. Generations and generations of faithful Christ followers came from one split-second decision, which planted a seed of faith. It was one decision - a blink of eye moment in time. It was the moment when Abraham’s knife was poised overhead. He had to decide: do I trust and obey God, or do I choose to go my own way in this?

This instant but weighty moment was when the seed of faith was buried. The choice to bury it was faith. It was a beyond-difficult decision with no expectation of the results, but an expectation, firmly and inextricably, tied to hope - that God’s Will is better, and the ensuing results of the decision will have a far better outcome than imagined. And boy, did it.

Although we are not the O.G., Abraham, we are Abraham on a daily basis.

Think of all the times we must choose - in a split-second - to be faithful. On a daily basis, there are innumerable times when we must decide to trust when it makes no sense, and to believe when all seems hopeless.

Think of the mustard seed potential in that - the hyper-multiplication that could result if we “just” choose faith, to trust and obey.

Think of the mustard seed potential - of the great things God will, and does, do - every time we choose to bury the seed.

Yes, the beginning is the end - the burying the seed is both. It is the end of our doubt. It is the end of our false ideas of human control, and it the end of our expectation and visions of the conclusion; it is the release of the outcome.

It is the beginning of something new and completely supernatural. It is an act of faith. It is a decision that tips the scales toward hope instead of hopelessness. It is a belief that God’s Ways are, and always will be, better than anything that I (or we) in my limited human thought and imagination, can dream or muster.

“Is anything too hard for the Lord?” Genesis 18:14

The answer is no, so do it.

Bury the seed.

God has said,“Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

Believe it.

This Old House

 PBS is a good stress reliever. Shows like The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers Neighborhood decreases blood pressure points. Another show that does that is This Old House. First, Bob Vila used to lead the charge, and now, Kevin O’Connor hosts the show. There is something satisfying about watching the transformation process, particularly when a house is raised when it seemed sure that it would be razed. Mold, or water damage, is often a troublesome issue to address.

When a house has mold, one needs to rip out the moldy materials - carpet, sheetrock, trim, etc. If it isn’t ripped out, the mold will keep coming back.

Often, the question is asked: Why not just burn the house down? The best answer to that is that it will do more harm than good. The toxic smoke will contains the mold spores, and these spores will aimlessly spiral through the air and land where they please. This means that people can inhale the spores into their lungs, and the spores can and will infiltrate other structures, if the conditions are right. Plus, there is no guarantee that the mold is gone, even after a blaze. It can still lurk in the soil, in cracks, and on surfaces.

Similarly, when a family is full of “mold” - a pernicious pestilence, such as resentment, an unforgiving heart, or a grudge, that continues to grow and destroy the structure, there are two options. The first is to just ignore it and let the “mold” continue to grow to the point that either the inhabitants die or move out. The second is to strip the structure down to the “bones” to discover the source of the problem and rebuild.

Either way, a collective decision needs to be made by the property owners, which is everyone involved, about which option to pursue. Of course, abandonment or a non-decision is a decision. . .for the first option.

Some might say, “it’s just a house, and there are many of them, so just build a new one.” On a metaphorical level, that’s true also. Property owners can break away and curate a new family structure of carefully-vetted friends, other family members or respected/chosen adults and kids.

However, as every website attested, burning or abandoning the house may solve a temporary problem, but it creates even more problems in the long run. In other words, you can build a new structure, or you can curate that new family, but the mold is still present, because you took it with you when you left. If you didn’t treat it, it’s still there.

So is this old house worth saving?

On PBS, I’ve watched Norm, Tom, and Kevin (sort of) do it over and over again. The question is whether or not the property owners are willing to invest and do what it takes - not to rebuild the old one - but to revive and restore it to the home that it was meant to be.

Please Let Kids be Kids

 As a kid, you are comforted by tradition and routine. For example, with Easter around the corner, I am reminded that my childhood traditions and routines included: a new Easter dress (the fabric of which was picked out earlier - usually something floral- and sewn by Mom), Maundy Thursday service and a boisterous round of “Up From the Grave He Arose” on Sunday morning.

As an adult, YOU are now responsible for traditions and routines… in a world and culture that is completely unrecognizable from your own upbringing and youth.

As a kid, you trust the adults in your world - doctors, teachers, neighbors, pastors. You trust that they are who they say they are, they will do what the say they will do, and they have your best interests in mind.

As an adult, you learn the truth. Of course there are trustworthy adults of integrity, but they seem few and far between. I wonder if it’s always been that way, and I was just a naive kid, or if it has gotten worse?

As a kid, the beauty and delight of life is being in the moment. Oh, how may hours I delighted in replaying the same dang storylines with my Barbies (I had one Ken; he was a polygamist), making and coloring designs with my Spirograph and swinging - just back and forth.

As an adult, you have to write it in your planner and put post-it notes on the mirror - BE PRESENT- because as adults, our world is on hyperspeed -getupgetreadygotoworkdotheworkrespondtoemailsplanplanplanprepprepprepgotoameetingorthreerunerrandsmakedinnerdohomeworkreadgotobed. Work always comes before play. Responsibility always trumps relaxation. Thinking ahead supersedes just….thinking.

Being a kid is a blessed gift. We only learn that when we are no longer one. We don’t realize it when we are raising our own kids because of the pressure and judgment we feel when we are feeling around in the dark trying to parent. But it boomerangs again when we get grandkids - no pressure, all pleasure.

That said, please let kids be kids. Uninterrupted, unscheduled time to play is gold. It is where curiosity is born and creativity is nurtured. We need both in order to progress as a society. Treat kids like a plant: give them sunshine, put them outside, feed them good food, water them often, protect and shelter them as needed, and prune as needed. If cared for properly, the blooms will be amazing.

Where True Wealth Lies

 "The wealthiest spot on this planet is not the oil fields in the Middle East. Neither is it the gold and diamond mines of South Africa, the uranium mines of the Soviet Union, or the silver mines of Africa. Thought it may surprise you, the richest deposits on our planet lie just a few blocks from your house. They rest in your local cemetery or graveyard. Buried beneath the soil within the walls of those sacred grounds are dreams that never came to pass, songs that were never sung, books that were never written, paintings that never filled a canvas, ideas that were never shared, visions that never became reality, inventions that were never designed, plans that never went beyond the drawing board of the mind, and purposes that were never fulfilled. Graveyards are filled with potential that remained potential" (Myles Munro).

There are stories there that were never told, because no one thought they were interesting and important, and tragically, no one bothered to ask - because they were too scared, because they thought it might be perceived as rude, or because they "just didn't have time. There are all whole volumes of wisdom that were never shared, advice that was never given, and regretfully, words that were never said.

"One of the greatest tragedies in life is to watch potential die untapped. Many potentially great men and women never realize their potential because they do not understand the nature," concept, and depth of the meaning of the words, gifts and talents. "There is a wealth of potential in you. . .You must decide if you are going to rob the world or bless it with the rich, valuable, potent, untapped resources locked away within you" (Munro).

Every Possession That Clings

 "Every possession produces an appetite that clings." 

    Our house is gorged with possessions. Some of the ownership of that fact is tied to our kids.  We still have boxes and totes of stuff that is theirs.  However, the bulk of the responsibility for that fact is on Mike and me. We are both at fault.  We both like thrift store hopping, and we are avid garage-salers in the "nice" months of the year.  We are also both loath to toss things, but for different reasons.  I'm sentimental, and Mike is concerned with value ("I might need that down the road," or "That might be worth something."

    The abundance of possessions, indeed, produces an appetite that clings.  In my case, it keeps me anchored to the past - both people and eras, especially when it comes to the emotional "feels." Perhaps this explains why I struggle so much with change and transitions and generally being positive about the future. With the current climate (and I'm not talking weather), who can blame me?

    The word, "clings," never has a positive connotation. A clingy child, friend, or spouse means that someone is hampering someone else's ability to move forward or get things done. A clingy dress or sweater is often uncomfortable, limiting movement or the ability to do simple things (like bend over). Even cling wrap is designed to provide a barrier by clinging to a bowl or container. In short, cling = not good.

    This idea explains why Jesus, John the Baptist, Paul, the disciples, etc, all chose a life of poverty, abandoning possession - anything that might cling (including people).  In fact, that was an ultimatum that Jesus insisted on in order for the disciples to become his follower (Luke 14: 33). It allowed them all to concentrate on what mattered most: Their relationship with God and subsequent ministry. By having no ties to past, they could concentrate on the present - on God's still, small voice; subsequent daily decisions; tasks; and moments/events that were placed in their path at that given time and moment.

    The quote underscores a simple idea, but one that has multiple layers of meaning and value.  For me, I'm never going to be able to fully lean into the present, and/or future/goals, if I am being pulled back by the past, or worse, if I am choosing to not let go/cling to the past - which includes both the good and the bad. The challenge to me today is to take a good, hard look at all that is presently clogging up the arteries of my life, both the possessions that are tactile/tangible and unseen/intangible but whose weight is none the lighter.  

Self, Others, Stand Up

 Today was the 9th Grade Respect Retreat.  Last year was the first year that I have ever gone, and I have been teaching for 33 years, 24 of which have been in Willmar.  The only other retreats I ever attended were the Senior Retreats for both of my kids when they were seniors in high school.  The retreat for Erika's class was a stab in the heart that I DO NOT want to ever relive.  

So yes, I was apprehensive when I was asked to chaperone last year.  But it was great, and so, I went this year as well.  The kids were a little more naughty, but they are very immature.  

Anyway, the last activity is the candlelight sharing activity.  Prior to that moment, the kids are given cards and are asked to fill out a pledge on that card.  The theme is obviously respect, and there are three categories: self, others, and stand up. After making a pledge, kids can share, or not.  It's up to them.  

I decided to complete this activity myself.  

1. I will respect myself. . .

• by acknowledging that I am not a mistake.  In my lowest moments, I tell myself that I am one - that I wasn't supposed to be born. But the truth is that God ordained that I should be born, exactly as I am - size, coloring, temperament, flaws, and gifts.  God has allowed me to experience heartaches, failures, and pain because He has something better for me, wants more for me.  Those heartaches are allowed so that I can become the person He ordained for me to be. 

• by not hurting myself. My expectations for myself do not include margin for error.  They demand perfection - all or nothing.  My size and shortcomings - a temper, a raucous mouth, inconsistencies, moodiness, etc - do not define me.  When I fall short of my expectations, I need to give myself grace, just as God does, and begin again.  The fact that I recognize my shortcomings AND want to do better is positive. Good health is both mental and physical. One affects the other.

• by nurturing my creative side.  These are needs; they are compulsions that God equipped me with from birth.  God is a creative God, so He gets it and wants me to use it.  Work. . .others. . .they are all important, but not more important than being fed. I feel alive when I create. I feel alive when I let my mind wander, dream, problem-solve.  All of those are creative efforts, as necessary as oxygen.

• by resting. Reading a book is not a waste. Napping is not a waste. Lying on the dock and listening to the water is not a waste. Worrying is a waste.  Reliving failures is a waste. Fretting over things and people I cannot control is a waste. Sleep is health. Sleep is repair to the body and mind. Sleep is restorative. Rest is refilling a depleted tank.

2. I will respect others. . .

• by giving them the benefit of the doubt.  I will readily admit that my life circumstances and events have caused me to lose wholesale trust in almost everyone I know.  Now, my first impulse is to assume the worst.  But I would guess most people think as I do from the standpoint of wanting to be a better version of themselves. I will assume the best instead of the worst, and even when the worst is the truth, I will acknowledge that there is more than I know that is fueling their behavior.  They have their own pain, which is causing them to want to inflict pain on others.  Empathy, not judgment, is respect.

• with encouragement. It costs nothing to offer an encouraging word or glance, but it sends the message, "I see you."  Sometimes, that is all people want - an acknowledgement - not necessarily agreement or help.  It's important to remember that the words used to encourage someone aren't as important as the fact that we were on someone's mind and they stopped to let us know that.  As a words person, I get worked up about saying the right thing.  It's important, but not as important as noticing. 

• by being present - not looking at a watch, not wishing I was elsewhere, not hurrying to end the conversation.  I respect others with my eye contact and attention.  Rather than concentrate on the running list in my head, I will strive to really listen and record important details in my head. 

• by not interrupting them. Almost always, I do not intend to be rude.  My brain is just working so fast that it runs out of my mouth.  But the other person doesn't know that.  The only message coming through to them is that I think what I have to say is more important. When I want to interrupt, I will remember the talking piece in RJ.  When I don't have the talking piece, I wait for my turn.  The same is true in ordinary conversation. 

3. I will stand up. . .

• when I see willful attempts to cause others pain. Those who do that do not like themselves. This causes them to try to have power over another. Because they are in pain, because they feel small, they want someone else to feel pain and feel small as well.  I will intervene, as gently as I can, and not stay silent. 

• and speak. I often shrink myself or swallow my words to appease others and keep the peace.  For most of my life, I have avoided conflict, but I feel as though I have the wisdom to discern when to keep quiet and when to speak.  My voice is as necessary and important as someone else's.

• for my faith.  Much of what I just said applies here as well.  To avoid conflict, I have allowed insults, misinformation, and bullying to pass. I need to remember that I was born for God's glory.  My purpose is do His Will, whatever that is at any given moment. To shrink away, to stay silent is the ultimate letdown to my Creator and Savior. God has promised that if I move in faith, He will provide the words. 

• and remove myself from conversations and situations that aren't Godly, kind, or productive.  Within a few words, the direction, vibe, and focus of a conversation is usually evident. It is at that point that I need to make a choice. If I stay, the "ick" will sink into my skin, attitude, mouth, and heart.  Who I am is a product of the company I keep and the stimuli I allow in my eyes, mind and heart.