Right after the school cancellation call this morning, I
started to mentally grab a pen and paper. I’m a list-maker by nature. While
relying on my memory to create and maintain that list is a gamble I usually
lose these days, my list-ordered life helps to keep not only me but the other
three that I live with on task.
My list-making mania originated in college, I think. During
that time, I was fighting an eating disorder, so making lists and filling
unscheduled time was a survival mechanism. While I no longer make lists for that
reason, the habit has stuck, and most of the time, it works to my advantage.
For most people, unscheduled time is a welcomed, surprise gift.
Nowadays, it is for me, too,. . only if
I can find useful ways to use that time. Let me explain.
First, I hate surprises. My best friend and I have made a
solemn pact never to let our husbands (or anyone else for that matter) throw us
a surprise anything (birthday, anniversary, etc) party. If either of us gets
wind of any “surprise” coming down the pipe, we have vowed to give each other
the “heads-up.”
Secondly, I can’t stand wasted time. Whether it’s in my
classroom or at home, I am always doing something productive. If you don’t
believe me, ask my husband. He has spent the last 23 years of our marriage in
trying to get me to “sit down and relax.”
Weird, I know.
Ever since I was little, I have had this inexplicable notion
(bordering on panic) that time is running out. While I know this to be true,
since none of us are built to last forever, I have always lived my life as
though I have to keep running and doing in order to “get it all done” before I
die. . .even though I have no idea what “it all” is.
As usual, I am totally missing the point of what/how God
intended for me to live my life.
“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we
have peace with God through our Lord
Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in
which we now stand” (Romans 5:1).
My busy, list-driven life has helped me to be successful by
worldly standards, but I have totally biffed it in the spiritual realm.
First, I have tried to create my own peace of mind through
an orderly life. In reading that sentence, it’s tough to see anything wrong
with that. . in a worldly sense. True faith means true peace comes from the
true Source, not by human effort. While living an organized, orderly life is
not a sin, it becomes one when it ignores or obliterates any God-inspired
opportunities, which leads to my second point.
If and when we pack out schedules so tightly, we are not
living as people of faith. Again, what’s wrong with being organized and having
a busy schedule – especially if it is filled with activities that bring glory
to God? When we orchestrate and completely monopolize our time, when and where
does He fit in? Furthermore, why would we even need God?
“Certainty is the mark of the common-sense life; uncertainty
is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are
uncertain in all of our ways; we do not know what a day may bring forth. This
is generally said with a sigh of sadness; it should rather be an expression of
breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain
of God. Immediately, we abandon to God, and do the duty that lies nearest, He
packs our lives with surprises all the time” (Oswald Chambers)
Uncertainty? Surprises? Of course, those are the two things
that I control-freak such as I don’t handle well. And yet, “we know that
suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope”
(Romans 5: 3-4). God is not interested is someone whose faith is mere
lip-service; He wants total abandonment, a complete relinquishment of my
schedule, my life, me.
All right, God, what’s up for today?
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