Monday, January 27, 2014

Short Vignettes on Life With Teenagers

One TV show that we like to watch at this house is The Middle. Mike and Frankie = Mike and Missy, and Axl is a freaky twin to Nick, and Erika has Sue-moments on occasion. Thankfully, we don't have a Brick, and in considering how eerily similar our family is to the fictitious TV family, our third child (if one had emerged) would have been a hyper-sensitive basket case.

Anyway, here is a list of short Aak-style vignettes. I love them dearly, but there are times when I go, "Huh?" I have no doubt they have the same reaction to stuff that we say/do. For parents of teenagers, let's see if you can relate to any of them.

Things That Make You Go Hmmm. . .
Sample 1
As I opened the downstairs refrigerator to get another gallon of milk, I jumped back, surprised to see things squirming in an ice cream bucket. Nick decided to put his minnows in the fridge for storage and clearly does not have a minnow bucket.

A few days later, I returned to the refrigerator, and I saw several minnows have gone to the Promised Land. I texted Nick to “dispose of the dead minnows.” When he returned from class, he did.

Later, I went downstairs to change the laundry, and when I looked into the laundry tub next to the washer, I saw dead minnows at the bottom of the sink.

Huh.

Who knew I had to be precise in explaining WHERE to dispose of the minnows?

Sample 2
The wind is howling outside, the temperature is well below zero, and school has already been cancelled for the next day. It is 8 p.m.

Erika bounds up the stairs, coat (that’s new!), shoes and purse in place.

Me: Where are you going?

Erika: Cass is coming to pick me up, and we’re going to Walmart.

Me: Why?

Erika: I am out of Chapstick, and we want to check the price of Oreos.

Yes, yes, that makes perfect sense.

On Family Games. . .
Some families have game nights; ours are on-going, daily events. For example, both Mike and I have become very good at the game called follow-behind-the-kid-and-shut-the-lights-off. Nick and Erika are so thoughtful; as the years have gone by, they have kept us in shape with all the laps we do around the house.

On Dining. . .
The one text I can count on receiving from each child every day is. . . “What’s for supper?” which is then followed by “When is supper?” Great question is considering the fact that we have eaten supper (at home) between 5-5:30 FOR ALL OF THE YEARS OF YOUR LIFE.


The table is set, everyone has food, and we just finished praying. Just as I am ready to put the first forkful into my mouth, Erika asks,“Mom, can you get me some water?”

Me: “Really, Erika? You are closer to the refrigerator than I am.”

Erika: “Yeah, but I tired from practice.”

Me: (Oh, and I'm not tired from working all day AND making supper) "I think you can get it yourself.”


The other night, the kids requested breakfast for supper, which was fine with me because I thought it would be easy. As the bacon was frying,

Erika: “Mom, can you boil a couple of eggs for me? DON’T fry my eggs in bacon grease.”

I put eggs on to boil. I use a little bacon grease to make scrambled eggs.

Nick: “Mom, can you put a little bacon grease in a frying pan and fry me a couple of eggs?”

Erika: “I don’t want any pancakes. Can I have a banana and the peanut butter?”

So much for an easy supper.


Erika: “I have had to pay for the last couple of Nordic ski meals. I figure you owe me about $20.”

Yes, Erika, after paying $200 for your sports fee, $80 in fundraising for coffee (which you didn’t sell), $100 for Nordic ski clothing, $40 for meals thus far, $22 for Nordic ski pics, and $60 for new poles, I can see why that pesky $20 needs to be re-paid immediately.

On Responsibility

Me: “Here is a list of things you need to accomplish today.Get your account set up, fill out the scholarship form. . . .”
Nick: “Ok, can you remind me this afternoon? I am going to take a nap.”

REALLY?!

On Brutal Honesty and Fashion

Me: “I think I am going to get a haircut. I wonder how close I am to donating to Locks of Love.”

Erika: “They will never take your hair. It’s so damaged.”

Me: (looking shocked and a little hurt)

Erika: “Well, it’s true. You need to color your hair too. It looks like mustard.”

Well, gee, Erika, tell me how you really feel. Don’t hold back to protect my feelings or anything.

. . .

When it comes to fashion, there is one question, in particular, that we ask of each other on occasion: “You’re wearing that?!”

When it comes out of her mouth, it means, “UGLY! HUGE MISTAKE! I don’t want my friends to see you looking like that and judge me based on how you are dressed!”

When it comes out of my mouth, it means, “NAKED! INAPPROPRIATE!I don’t want my friends to see you looking like that and judge me based on how you are dressed!”

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