A Different Spin on Shyness and Procrastination.

 I am draw to the antithetical.  Thus, this quote from Oswald Chambers, gave me pause this morning: 

"Shyness is often unmitigated conceit, an unconscious over-estimate of your own worth; you are not prepared to speak until you have a proper audience." 

The same is true of "shyness in inaction," also known as procrastination.  People often say they procrastinate because they don't know what to do or what to say.  I say that's a load of crap.  Anyone with a brain (and last time I checked, that's everyone) has an initial thought about everything.  Often, we have to test-drive the idea against logic and our inner value system.  Once the idea has made it through those crucibles, we have to decide what to do with it.  

For people who procrastinate, the decision to self-sabotage is preferable to risk. In essence, procrastination, and if you subscribe to Oswald Chambers logic (which I often do), shyness, are at their core forms of self-centeredness.  I know that sounds harsh, but it's just calling it what it is without ascribing all the usual connotations associated with the word, self-centered. 

How are these two self-centered?  Logically, it seems the exact opposite. The short explanation is that the one who chooses to be shy, and who chooses to procrastinate, is denying the world an idea or message because s/he has decided that the message or idea (created and inspired for that particular moment in time) is not worth the risk to ego, is not worth the effort to say it, and is not worthy of the world's ears or consideration. 

So does it mean you're a bad person if you're shy or if you procrastinate? If that's all you see, and if that's your first reaction, then you missed my point. It's just a different perspective on a concept, and I just decided to not be shy or procrastinate about sharing it today. 

Seek Him. Period.

 This year, I had a goal to do some thinking and writing in regard to Advent.  It hasn't gone the way I planned, but as usual, my foiled plans have brought me to better places. 

Focus is pivotal when it comes to how we live our lives.  What we see (literally and figuratively) determines where we put our energy. While there are a lot of entities that will lay claim on visualization and mindfulness, Jesus was the first on in on the concept.  There are many verses in the Bible in which He cautions us to be mindful of our thoughts and where we put our efforts (energy). 

This morning, I was reading in Luke 12, and here is evidence of that claim:  

29: "Don't strive for what you should eat and what you should drink, and don't be anxious."

34: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Work takes up about a third (and sadly, pushes to take more) of our lives.  Typically, the motivations regarding work are myriad: Earning respect and prestige, leaving a legacy, fulfilling a life's calling or purpose, and of course, earning money. 

That last one, money, is the lubrication for life's joints. It pays the bills for all the necessities such as food, heat, a home to live in, transportation, etc. 

The problem starts when we shift from thinking of it as lubrication to regarding it as lifeblood.  In other words, there are times (and undeniably, it has happened to everyone) when the main focus of our energy and work becomes money - the getting of it and the spending of it.  

Our quest to get more, our misguided ideas that what we are paid to do for work is commensurate to our value, our obedience to the proven fallacy that more money (and therefore, more acquisitions and experiences) equals happiness all consume our focus and energy. In short, work and money become the little altars, one for each eye, that block our vision as to what is most important in life.  Not only does it shift our focus; an unintended consequence is that it also open the door to other joy stealers: Anxiety, jealousy, fatigue, criticism, and so on. But as Jesus said in Luke 12: 23: "Life is more than food and the body more than clothing."

Ok, so what IS most important in life? Well, it depends on the day. In verse 31, Jesus reassures us and challenges us when He says:  "But seek His Kingdom, and these things will be provided for you."  Our true work is to SEEK HIM. Period. 

He literally will take care of the rest - literally and figuratively. In the physical sense, He has promised that these things (food/clothing) will be provided for us (read the surrounding verses in Luke 12 where He talks about wildflowers and birds). 

On a deeper, most important level, when we seek Him, He shows us what He wants and expects us to do.  Sometimes, it's picking up the phone when a seemingly-random face comes to mind with an accompanying urge to call or text.  Sometimes, it's swinging around in line and starting up a conversation with the person behind you because you feel an inexplicable nudge.  And sometimes, it is leaving the unfamiliar for the unknown simply because it's clear to see where God is opening and closing doors.  To live like this requires a shift in focus.  If all we see is work, and all we focus on is money, we miss out on the most important thing in life: Why I was even put here on Earth in the first place.  

It may sound a little too simplistic, but as usual, that's because we humans make it complicated. 

The Trouble with Being "All-Elbows"

“Individuality is self-assertive and independent; it is all elbows.”  I’ve been chewing on that last part for the last couple of days.  

Earlier this week, someone reposted an article about a controversial church practice. The author of the article was fairly opinionated, using some pretty strong language. As it will do, this fanned the flames of the commentary that ensued, some of which was equally strong, and as you can guess, gave me pause to ruminate.

The issue aside, it got me to thinking about how Christianity can sometimes be “all elbows,” boxing out and pushing, forming an impassable boundary or fence. People will argue that they have good (i.e Godly) intentions, mostly commonly called righteous indignation.  By definition, righteous indignation is disgust about and toward what is perceived as a lapse in morality. This has led me to a question: Is this what Christ has called us to do? Does Christ want me to be indignant? 

I’m pretty sure the most common reaction is head-nodding, and I’m not opposed to that. I just like to look at an issue from all sides. Interestingly enough, when I asked myself my own question, I immediately thought of the circumstances in which Christ was righteously indignant.  One that immediately came to mind was Matthew 21: 12-13: “12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’[b]”.  And then, there are all the numerous times when Jesus called out the Pharisees and Sadducees. Matthew 23 provides a nifty one. Jesus was never shy about calling anyone out or pointing out flawed morality.  

When the shoe was on the other foot and the disciples tried to do the same thing, that didn’t always end well.  Their righteous indignation was often “corrected” by Jesus.  

For example, In Mark 10: 13-14,  13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.“ Oops. Likewise, in Matthew 26,  it reads: “While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked.“This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” 10 Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 11 The poor you will always have with you,[a] but you will not always have me. 

The bottom line is this: Through whatever means and ways He decides (Scripture, the Holy Spirit, circumstances, etc), God takes care of the “do this and don’t do that,” which means my job is to love people to Christ. How do I know? That’s what Scripture tells me. In Mark 12: 30-31, I’m told to 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”  Likewise, in I Corinthians 13:13, I’m reminded “13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” As far as I know, that’s pretty much Christianity in a nutshell.

That said, I don’t think I can do that very well if I’m “all elbows.” Is it my job to uphold the Godly values of Christ that I read in Scripture? To that, I would answer yes.  But I think I the “how” behind that answer also matters. 

To explain, I’ve worked with teenagers (including my own kids once upon a time) long enough to know that when you tell them not to do something, they will, of course, do it.  When you explain the why behind the no, that sometimes tips the scales in your favor.  When you have a relationship with them, which means you listen to and validate them ( (not to be confused with condoning their actions), you now are in the sweetest spot of all with regard to influence (and if the situation requires it, obedience/compliance). 

In other words, if I’m “all elbows,” I’m sending a strong message, one that is not effective in producing, building, or nurturing relationships, which is the starting line of what I believe  my life’s purpose to be:  To love others as Christ taught me, so I can “go to heaven and take as many people as I can with me.” Obviously, only Christ is a change maker, and only He decides who will join Him one day in heaven, but clearly how I act and how I treat others definitely has an impact on the situation.

The question then is: Do I want to be “all elbows,” which honestly feels aggressively pugilistic, or do I want to be “all ears” instead? I’m not a theologist; I’m just trying to figure out how to do life the way He wants and expects me to.

Life's Purpose is a Dog's Life

As is the case most days, I was absentmindedly stroking Juno's fur as I did my devotions this morning. No matter where I sit, she always plunks herself on my right side. In fact, she is there right now.

I'm prone to flare-ups, but not the kind of flare-ups you think of when you hear that term. Mine are more life flare-ups - like, questioning the decisions I have made or are making in life.  Lately, I have been in the midst of another overly-angsty flare-up. Tipping over the 50 mark has increased the frequency of such flare-ups. Turning 50 does not mean "Game Over," but realistically, it does mean "Game Over" for certain things in life.  It means getting serious about which "somedays" need to still become "nows," and making them happen. All this has ushered in a lot of self-examination regarding my career choice, accomplishments, relationships, etc.   

As I was contemplating, I looked over at June.  She has lived 15 years, 5 months, and 23 days, and to my observation, she has been perfectly content for all of them. Her only job, and one that she has done very well, has been to be a pet to our family, and a companion to whomever wants one.  Fortunately, she chooses me (I suspect that feeding her moves me to the top of the list). 

Not once have I seen her fret about having missed the purpose of her life.  How do I know?  Well, she just lives it.  Everyday.  

Juno follows me around, everywhere I go (including the bathroom). She is by my side - during the good times of laughter and fun, as well as the yelling, puking, or bawling times; she has hiked with me through pouring rain and sprawled out during kayak rides; she has kept crazy hours (up at 4? Sure!), and through crazy conditions.  

And not once has she whined, quit, or backed down.  She just shows up and does what she was meant to do - be a companion.  (Although, these days as an old lady, if she doesn't want to, she doesn't. She is 100% comfortable just being June.)

It dawned on me that Juno, and most pet dogs, for that matter, are showing us humans the sweet spot of life - life as God intended.  We (ok, maybe it's just me) are too busy - worrying about the unknown and uncontrollable, investing energy in places of questionable return or importance, patching relationships more than building them, ultimately trying to be someone who will leave a mark in history.  

While we are doing all that, we are missing the very thing we want so badly - our life's purpose, which is: 

To be a companion,

To be by God's side,

To be 100% focused on Him.

To live our moments going where He goes to do what He does, as He asks us to do. 

That's the sweet spot of life. And that's when all the other importance of all the garbage that brings us no joy - money, fame, achievements, endless busywork - melts away.  We now have peace and are content to just be present and available for the one we trust and adore the most.  We exist solely to bring Him joy, and as a result, we bring others joy too.  

Even though Juno's days on Earth are fewer than those she has already spent here, she doesn't care or worry about it.  She just does, and will continue to do, what she does best: Be a faithful, loving, always-ready companion.  

I think that's what God asks of me too.

Open It

 For most of my life, I have made decisions based on others' expectations. Most people pleasers do, and although I have no research studies to support it, I would say that most humans are pleasers - we just want everybody to be happy, and we don't want anyone to be mad.  It's like we spend our whole lives futilely trying to replicate the Garden of Eden.

Anyway, within the past year, I have been working hard to try to derail that kind of thinking.  It's hard work.  When you spend the bulk of your life being tossed in a sea of the motivations and expectations of others, it's hard to put down the anchor of your own ship and get it to stay on the ocean floor.  

This morning, in my devotions, I read "Do you find yourself asking, 'But am I to step out onto nothing?' That is exactly what the bird is seemingly asked to do, yet we know that the air is there and that the air is not nearly as insubstantial as it seems. And you know that the promises of God are there, and they are certainly not insubstantial at all.  Do you still respond, 'But it seem so unlikely that my poor, helpless soul would be sustained by such strength.' Has God said it ?  'Do you mean that my tempted, yielding nature will be victorious in the fight?' Has God said it will? 'Do you mean that my timid, trembling heart will find peace?' Has God said it will? If God has said, so, surely you do not want to suggest He has lied! If he has spoken, will He not fulfill it? If He has given you His word - His sure word of promise - do not question it but trust it absolutely." 

This was on my mind as I entered my prayer time. As I was sitting quietly, I realized that my biggest enemy is fear. Fear of what? The list is endless. Then, as I was praying, an image of a book came to mind. It was an empty book with lined pages - usually referred to as a notebook or a journal.  Anyway, I heard a voice say, "Aren't you curious about what's inside?" The tone was that of someone who is anxious for a recipient to open a gift that has been specially chosen - the giver is almost more excited than the receiver. In my mind's eye, I put my hand on the cover and let it rest there.  The voice continued, "There is a whole story on the other side, but you have to open it. I want you to see what's there just for you, but it's all up to you. You have to open it." 

So I prayed for courage - the courage to see what's there just for me, and I also prayed for the courage to break free of other expectations.  By keeping my eyes and mind trained on what everybody else wants, expects, and what I think they need, I decide to assume the role of God, which is doubly bad.  It's sin, but it also keeps me from fulfilling purposes of my life and receiving the blessings that He has chosen just for me - that He is waiting to give me.  If you're like me, you struggle with receiving gifts. You don't like the attention, and if we're honest, we often don't feel as though we deserve them.  But that attitude, while sounding noble, is actually self-centered.  The gift is not only about the recipient; it's also about the giver. Yes, some gifts are given from a heart of obligation, but most gifts originate from love and appreciation - a celebration of the recipient.  

That said, I think about the book, and my hand as it rests on the cover. I cannot control other people's expectations, and I certainly am not responsible for them.  The business of pleasing is never-ending, energy-draining, and stressful. The truth is, I answer to One, and it's very freeing to say that.  So in the end, it's all very simple: 

1. Keep talking to Me.

2. Open the book.

3. Keep talking to Me. 

4. Open the gifts.

5. Keep talking to Me. 

"If He has given you His word - His sure word of promise - do not question it but trust it absolutely." 

New Every Morning

 My favorite aisles in Walmart are the office supply aisles.  I love notebooks.  I love pens. I love mechanical pencils.  I love to run my fingers over them and crack them open to examine the pages.  I am very very finicky about the "tools" I put in my tool belts (backpack and pencil case, or nerd pack, as I like to call it.)

This morning, this verse was brought to my attention: "Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22.

Every day, in addition to praying over the concerns of others, I pray things for myself as well - things like a changed heart (make my mouth, heart, and actions like yours), a change in circumstances (aligned to His Will), and freedom (from sin, sadness, anxiety, guilt, fear, etc - I can generate quite a lengthy list with this one). 

In prayer this morning, I realized that each day is a blank sheet - like opening the cover of a brand-new notebook and staring at a crisp, pristine page.  For some, that can elicit dread.  For me, it conjures the excitement of the journey ahead.  What will be written there? 

If I ask Him, God wipes away ALL of the previous day's sins, shortcomings, and foibles.  Not just throws away, but wipes it clean.  To Him, I AM a blank sheet in a new notebook, and not just in the morning - whenever I ask! To Him, I am a blank sheet on which He can write his masterpiece.  And like me, I like to think that blank sheet gets Him excited for the journey ahead.  In my mind's eye, I see a smile on His face and a twinkle in His eye as He grabs His favorite writing utensil. 

It is ME who persistently drags yesterday's mess - the giant smudges things I tried and failed to do, the black ink spills of fear and anxiety, the cross-outs of stupid things I said or did - to the brand-new page.  Not Him.  

If I reframe my thinking and look at each new day the way HE does, I don't carry any of it over. . .because it doesn't exist anymore.  Yesterday is gone.  That was then, and this is now. 

As a result, I am free to see the page the way He does, and I get to create content right along with Him - Letter-by-letter, word-by-word, sentence-by-sentence. In short, I compose the content He creates and the story He wills to be written. In order to do that, I have to be focused and disciplined to be attentive to the next cue and prompt from Him, and together, we create the masterpiece He wants my life to be. 

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22.

Murmuration

 Before you read anything, you need to two things:  Watch and listen (in that order).

1. Watch this short video. 

2. Now listen to this.

Quite randomly (ah, we all know that is never the case), I was listening to a TED Talk podcast. Periodically, they do a series called "Mind Body Spirit," and the segments are always provocative.  On this particular podcast, the poet you just listened to, Sarah Kay, recited her poem: "A Bird Made of Birds." At first, I listened halfheartedly because poetry isn't really my jam, but the more I listened, the more invested I became.  

The gist of her message - her epiphany - is this:  We humans create nothing new.  We shine a spotlight on supernaturally-inspired Divine truths.  "The Universe [God, to believers] has already written the poem you want to write." 

That one statement took my breath away. That one statement lifted a heavy load that I have carried most of my adult life right off my shoulders.

To explain, my life has been a quest, often desperate and emotional, to A) figure out why I am here, and B) figure out the legacy I'm supposed to leave.  

For the former, I can answer that with spiritual resolve.  In other words, my spiritual education has prepared me to answer that question on a cerebral level: I am here to glorify God with my entire being - thoughts, words, and actions. It's the latter that has been hissing more insistently in my ears throughout most of my adult life.  What is my legacy? How will I be remembered? What will be the proof that I existed at all? 

Those statements - "we create nothing new" and "The Universe [God] has already written the poem you want to write" - have finally provided the answer to the question.  My existence is to shine a light on Divine truths.  

For me specifically, God has created me to be an observer, a fact that has been helped/shared by the cumulative effect of my life's experiences and journey. At Divinely-inspired moments, the Holy Spirit moves me to "see" or understand things.

Likewise, I believe that God has created me to be a communicator. As others use tools to craft furniture or delicious dishes, I use words to craft messages that others may also feel and think. "But to what end?" I often challenge myself.  "What's the point? What am I supposed to DO with them [thoughts and messages]?" 

And now, the answer seems clearer: This is my legacy. This is how and why I mark time at this point and time in history.  My legacy is my obedience to God - my willingness to channel what He has given me/allowed me to see/understand to A) continue these important truths, making sure they continue, and to B) help and encourage others who are traveling life's highway at the same time as I. 

Equally liberating and profound is that NONE of these message are new.  These are the same truths that have been woven through history.  The Bible and the stories in it are individual threads of the same story that I - that YOU - continue so that the message is delivered anew to each generation.

Like I said, for me, this takes the pressure off the desperation of leaving a mark in history, and it helps to make sense of all the seemingly-senseless pain and seemingly-senseless difficulties that I have had to endure in this life.  Pain/challenge serves a purpose - I have been told that forever, but I really didn't fully understand how. 

If this is true for me, it's true for others as well.  Our pain/difficulties/challenges/epiphanies shine a light on ancient, Divine truths.  These are the vessels through which those messages - those truths - are sent.  

In the eye of the storm, we have a decision to make: To surrender and rest in Him, or to fight and become discouraged, bitter, or lost.  This is the first layer in bringing glory to God.  

The second is to reflect on the experience to extract the Divine truth that needs to be delivered - here and now - from YOU.

Equally important is framing and filtering each moment through that lens.  We don't need to actively seek it.  We just need to be open to it, to receive it, to surrender, move through it - and then share it.  Only you, only I - at this time and in this place in history - have been chosen to deliver this truth.

That is our purpose and legacy. 

No need to worry anymore. "The Universe [God] has already written the poem you want to write."