The Trouble with Being "All-Elbows"

“Individuality is self-assertive and independent; it is all elbows.”  I’ve been chewing on that last part for the last couple of days.  

Earlier this week, someone reposted an article about a controversial church practice. The author of the article was fairly opinionated, using some pretty strong language. As it will do, this fanned the flames of the commentary that ensued, some of which was equally strong, and as you can guess, gave me pause to ruminate.

The issue aside, it got me to thinking about how Christianity can sometimes be “all elbows,” boxing out and pushing, forming an impassable boundary or fence. People will argue that they have good (i.e Godly) intentions, mostly commonly called righteous indignation.  By definition, righteous indignation is disgust about and toward what is perceived as a lapse in morality. This has led me to a question: Is this what Christ has called us to do? Does Christ want me to be indignant? 

I’m pretty sure the most common reaction is head-nodding, and I’m not opposed to that. I just like to look at an issue from all sides. Interestingly enough, when I asked myself my own question, I immediately thought of the circumstances in which Christ was righteously indignant.  One that immediately came to mind was Matthew 21: 12-13: “12 Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves. 13 “It is written,” he said to them, “‘My house will be called a house of prayer,’[a] but you are making it ‘a den of robbers.’[b]”.  And then, there are all the numerous times when Jesus called out the Pharisees and Sadducees. Matthew 23 provides a nifty one. Jesus was never shy about calling anyone out or pointing out flawed morality.  

When the shoe was on the other foot and the disciples tried to do the same thing, that didn’t always end well.  Their righteous indignation was often “corrected” by Jesus.  

For example, In Mark 10: 13-14,  13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. 14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.“ Oops. Likewise, in Matthew 26,  it reads: “While Jesus was in Bethany in the home of Simon the Leper, a woman came to him with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, which she poured on his head as he was reclining at the table. When the disciples saw this, they were indignant. "Why this waste?" they asked.“This perfume could have been sold at a high price and the money given to the poor.” 10 Aware of this, Jesus said to them, “Why are you bothering this woman? She has done a beautiful thing to me. 11 The poor you will always have with you,[a] but you will not always have me. 

The bottom line is this: Through whatever means and ways He decides (Scripture, the Holy Spirit, circumstances, etc), God takes care of the “do this and don’t do that,” which means my job is to love people to Christ. How do I know? That’s what Scripture tells me. In Mark 12: 30-31, I’m told to 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’[a] 31 The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’[b] There is no commandment greater than these.”  Likewise, in I Corinthians 13:13, I’m reminded “13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” As far as I know, that’s pretty much Christianity in a nutshell.

That said, I don’t think I can do that very well if I’m “all elbows.” Is it my job to uphold the Godly values of Christ that I read in Scripture? To that, I would answer yes.  But I think I the “how” behind that answer also matters. 

To explain, I’ve worked with teenagers (including my own kids once upon a time) long enough to know that when you tell them not to do something, they will, of course, do it.  When you explain the why behind the no, that sometimes tips the scales in your favor.  When you have a relationship with them, which means you listen to and validate them ( (not to be confused with condoning their actions), you now are in the sweetest spot of all with regard to influence (and if the situation requires it, obedience/compliance). 

In other words, if I’m “all elbows,” I’m sending a strong message, one that is not effective in producing, building, or nurturing relationships, which is the starting line of what I believe  my life’s purpose to be:  To love others as Christ taught me, so I can “go to heaven and take as many people as I can with me.” Obviously, only Christ is a change maker, and only He decides who will join Him one day in heaven, but clearly how I act and how I treat others definitely has an impact on the situation.

The question then is: Do I want to be “all elbows,” which honestly feels aggressively pugilistic, or do I want to be “all ears” instead? I’m not a theologist; I’m just trying to figure out how to do life the way He wants and expects me to.