Open It

 For most of my life, I have made decisions based on others' expectations. Most people pleasers do, and although I have no research studies to support it, I would say that most humans are pleasers - we just want everybody to be happy, and we don't want anyone to be mad.  It's like we spend our whole lives futilely trying to replicate the Garden of Eden.

Anyway, within the past year, I have been working hard to try to derail that kind of thinking.  It's hard work.  When you spend the bulk of your life being tossed in a sea of the motivations and expectations of others, it's hard to put down the anchor of your own ship and get it to stay on the ocean floor.  

This morning, in my devotions, I read "Do you find yourself asking, 'But am I to step out onto nothing?' That is exactly what the bird is seemingly asked to do, yet we know that the air is there and that the air is not nearly as insubstantial as it seems. And you know that the promises of God are there, and they are certainly not insubstantial at all.  Do you still respond, 'But it seem so unlikely that my poor, helpless soul would be sustained by such strength.' Has God said it ?  'Do you mean that my tempted, yielding nature will be victorious in the fight?' Has God said it will? 'Do you mean that my timid, trembling heart will find peace?' Has God said it will? If God has said, so, surely you do not want to suggest He has lied! If he has spoken, will He not fulfill it? If He has given you His word - His sure word of promise - do not question it but trust it absolutely." 

This was on my mind as I entered my prayer time. As I was sitting quietly, I realized that my biggest enemy is fear. Fear of what? The list is endless. Then, as I was praying, an image of a book came to mind. It was an empty book with lined pages - usually referred to as a notebook or a journal.  Anyway, I heard a voice say, "Aren't you curious about what's inside?" The tone was that of someone who is anxious for a recipient to open a gift that has been specially chosen - the giver is almost more excited than the receiver. In my mind's eye, I put my hand on the cover and let it rest there.  The voice continued, "There is a whole story on the other side, but you have to open it. I want you to see what's there just for you, but it's all up to you. You have to open it." 

So I prayed for courage - the courage to see what's there just for me, and I also prayed for the courage to break free of other expectations.  By keeping my eyes and mind trained on what everybody else wants, expects, and what I think they need, I decide to assume the role of God, which is doubly bad.  It's sin, but it also keeps me from fulfilling purposes of my life and receiving the blessings that He has chosen just for me - that He is waiting to give me.  If you're like me, you struggle with receiving gifts. You don't like the attention, and if we're honest, we often don't feel as though we deserve them.  But that attitude, while sounding noble, is actually self-centered.  The gift is not only about the recipient; it's also about the giver. Yes, some gifts are given from a heart of obligation, but most gifts originate from love and appreciation - a celebration of the recipient.  

That said, I think about the book, and my hand as it rests on the cover. I cannot control other people's expectations, and I certainly am not responsible for them.  The business of pleasing is never-ending, energy-draining, and stressful. The truth is, I answer to One, and it's very freeing to say that.  So in the end, it's all very simple: 

1. Keep talking to Me.

2. Open the book.

3. Keep talking to Me. 

4. Open the gifts.

5. Keep talking to Me. 

"If He has given you His word - His sure word of promise - do not question it but trust it absolutely."