I try to keep. . .because

 Today's prompt is I try to keep. . .because. . .

I try to keep focused on what's beyond all this because otherwise it all seems pointless and bleak.  I suppose that could be regarded in two different ways: The physical and the spiritual.  Let's talk about the latter first because it's easier.

I try to keep focused on what's beyond all this - an eternity with Christ - because otherwise, life seems pointless and bleak.  Let's face it; life on Earth is pretty sucky right now, and I'm not just talking about Covid.  The marginalized spirituality that I see and have to endure is often more than I can take.  I find myself asking, "Do you really believe that?" in my head quite often whenever someone surprises me with a clearly NON-Biblical belief or justification.  It's disappointing.  I suppose I sound super-judgy for saying that, but I truly wonder how many people are actually cracking open their Bibles and really reading them.  I'm not talking about a superficial pass over the words; I'm talking about an in-depth mediation over the meaning.  

It seems these days that people are quick to take the parts of the Bible they like and reject the rest.  I suppose that has been happening forever, but obviously, it's on my radar because I live in the here and now and have to deal with it. 

Likewise, I believe people have become confused.  They often intermingle tolerance and love as being one in the same.  Not so.  They believe that being tolerant is a form of love.  It's actually the opposite. Not hate, exactly, but if you allow someone to believe and act in a way that is contradictory to what you know is morally true (as in, it says it in the Bible - our only true, infallible resource when it comes to how to live), then you are actually being not only indifferent but harmful to their spiritual destiny.  It's not love.  That's for sure.  

I don't go looking for fights.  I try to let my life do the talking for me.  If I live with integrity - reflecting the values I believe - I am hoping that this is a message that resonates.  As I read, this seems to be what God wants from me.  As Oswald Chambers said this morning, God doesn't need to me to do things FOR Him; He needs me to do things WITH Him.  He has all the power and influence in the world.  He doesn't need me to mess up His plan with my well-intentioned but ill-stated words and actions. He just needs me to come alongside and act and speak as He requests.  

This is what give me hope. Life isn't as bleak when I know how the story ends.  

The phrase, I try to keep focused on what's beyond all this because otherwise it all seems pointless and bleak, also applies to my current employment situation.  

There does not seem to be any movement in another direction.  I've tried twice, but to no avail.  No response even.  Maybe no response is a response.  Maybe I'm suppose to stay put.  Right now, that feels bleak, mostly because I'm so unhappy.

As I know, happiness is built on physical conditions and circumstances.  I am allowing the physical to determine and manipulate my level of happiness.  Overall, what I need to do is really isolate those aspects of this job that are making me unhappy and address them specifically.  I have agency over some of it.  For example, I am super-pissy about working every night.  No one is making me work. I feel compelled to do the work, only because of an inner drive.  Quite honestly, I'm not even sure that the inner drive is even admirable.  It almost sounds a little like a pride issue to me.  So, yes, I think I am making myself unhappy, which is almost always the case for everyone.  And then, I end up thinking that I'm being disrespected because I'm unappreciated for going the extra mile when no one expects me to. It's really kind of stupid now that I think about it. 

Next, what I do is not bleak or pointless.  Not at all.  I serve an important purpose in kids' lives.  I am there.  I am present.  I notice them.  I nurture them.  I hold them accountable.  I challenge them.  In short, I parent them, and for some, they need it.  My intention is to help mentor and grow admirable adults of integrity (and that word has multiple meanings).  

Once again, I have been really short-sighted, playing the victim which is something I detest in others. I truly am the protagonist here.  If I don't like something in the story, I can just change it.  I am the author and the hero. I guess I need to be my own champion too because no one else is going to do it for me.  

I think I have it wrong.  I should not be focused on what's beyond; I should be focused on the right now.  Being fully present.  Looking too far ahead will make me miss the opportunities that God has put into my path for right now.  He wants me to come alongside His endeavors, not plan them for Him.  Being in the moment, and relishing it, is what happiness is.