Forgive and forget - What is really required of Christians?

There are two people whom I don't like.  I have been hurt by both of them.  I was the recipient of their hurtful actions even though I did not do anything to incite the action.  I know that sounds like some sort of logical fallacy.  Why would someone else hurt you if they weren't provoked in some way?  

I can assure you that I am not deluded.  To the best of my knowledge, I did not do anything to provoke or inspire the malice toward me.  

I am generally a very warm, accepting person.  I work very hard to make people feel at ease and feel included, and I will work very hard to help others be successful. . . until they screw me over.  Then, it's game over.  She or he who was once a friend is now an enemy.  

While I would never deign to stoop to returning malice or revenge, I would be lying if I said that thoughts of either have never crossed my mind.  I think that's human nature and that I am not unique in that regard.  

The fallout, however, of betrayal is a freeze.  The walls come up all around me, and my icy gaze peers over the tops of the ramparts to regard the person who has betrayed me.  He or she, who was once invited into my castle, has now become banished from the kingdom.  

And so, right now, that's how it is with the two from whom the current hurt originated.  

The time for anger has long passed.  The walls protect me from further hurt.  Never again will either of them find the soft underbelly into which to stick their weapon.  Both have been pushed to a safe distance.  

It's safe to say that I struggle with the phrase, Forgive and Forget.  Many Christian friends have urged me to forgive since that is Biblical but have assured me that forgetting is not a necessary part of the bargain.  Experience is a critical bridge to gaining wisdom, and therefore, remembering is necessary to acquiring wisdom.

But I just don't know about that.  

A relationship with Christ is based on the Forgive and Forget principle.  We pray for forgiveness of our sins, and Christ says that "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." (Psalm 103:12). And in Hebrews 8:12, it says, "For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more." That's a pretty convincing argument for the idea of forgiving and forgetting.  I am very thankful that I have the opportunity to a) talk to my heavenly Father at any given time, and b) ask and receive forgiveness for my sins.  Doesn't it follow that I am expected to do the same?

Even so, it is troubling that when Christ returns, it says in 2 Corinthians 5:10, " For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each of us may receive what is due us for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad."  While forgiveness has been assured, the forgetting part seems to not hold true.  So which is it?

When I think about the character of Christ during his 33 years on Earth, I know which one seems to be the more likely truth.  God is love, and Christ was love in human form.  There were many people, including those in His own family, who were unkind and cruel, even though He, too, had done nothing to instigate their wrath.  When I think of His kindness to  the woman at the well,  Matthew/Zaccheus the tax collector, and of course, EVERYONE at His crucifixion, His forgiveness is not conditional.  Luke 23:34 "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

The situation always seems to change when one puts the shoe on the other foot.  To explain, if the situation were reversed, it would be pretty dang terrible if the person whom I hurt never let it go.  Actually, I have done that to someone, and even after asking forgiveness, the person has never let it go.  It sucks.  I don't want to be that person.  And yet I have been. 

The problem is that neither of them are sorry for their actions.  Like at all.  They both feel justified and comfortable with their actions, and that bothers the absolute snot out of me.  In my mind, I am supposedly "punishing" them for what they did to me when the reality is that the only person who is being punished is me.  

And so, it seems to me that forgiveness is truly not forgiveness unless the hurt is released.  In order for the hurt to be released, it has to go - like out of sight and out of mind. Otherwise, as far as I'm concerned, it's not really true forgiveness.

I like to justify and seemingly elevate myself to a higher moral standard than these two by "confessing" that I am praying for blessings for both of them.  While it's good to pray blessings over them, the fact is that the request is pretty hollow since I am still harboring resentment in my heart.  I am no better than a common Pharisee.  

And so, I know what I must do.  And I may need to do it repeatedly until I finally open my clenched fist, or rather my clenched heart, to release the hurt.  At that moment, true forgiveness will occur, and peace will finally be mine.