Teaching 101: 15 Truths About Teachers

Spring Break is over; I am leaning into the “big push” (Term 4) to the end of the school year. With that in mind, here are some things that I think you should know about teaching and teachers. Naturally, they are generalizations, but I think I am fairly accurate. If I am not, I have no doubt that my teacher pals will set me straight.

When you are a teacher,

1.    There are no "quick trips" to Walmart, Target, the grocery store, etc. Usually, most of our students work at these stores, so it can easily take us an hour to pick up a bottle of shampoo. For that reason, a) our spouses and children rarely want to go with us, and b) we buy "special" toiletries and other "delicate items" in a different city. . .100 miles away.

2.     It is an unwritten truth that exiting the house without taking a shower, wearing glasses, having no make-up on, and/or wearing grubby clothes will definitely result in us seeing most of our former and current students as well as their parents.

3.     While there are many supplies that teachers need for the classroom, here is an unofficial, unwritten list: tissues (and lots of them), cough drops, Band-aids, safety pins, and lotion. Years ago, schools quit providing tissues, so teachers have had to come up with creative ways to make sure that noses gets wiped. Personally, I buy a jumble pack of toilet paper, and that serves the purpose. There is nothing worse than listening to someone sniff and snort during reading time or a test. I keep cough drops for the same reason. 

4.       We generally love office supplies and gadgets. Brand-new, in-the-package notebooks, pens, mechanical pencils, and Post-its are such a rush. Communications teachers feel the same way about brand-new books. There is nothing more fun than hearing a binding crack for the first time. Some people like a new car scent; English teachers like the smell of a new book.

5.       Clothing purchases are strictly utilitarian. It's all about use and comfort. For that reason, seasoned teachers wear flats ONLY. Only the newbs wear the cute shoes or heels, and after a year, they get smart. Likewise, due to fluctuating temperatures, most teachers wear long sleeves and layer. Potentially-purchased pants and shirts have to pass the squat and bend test; if there are no "cracks," you're good to go. If we find pants we like, we buy one in every color.  Although we are no fashionistas, any modulation in our appearance - new hair style or color, jewelry, and/or make-up, is always noticed and critiqued by our students.

6.       When a teacher is a parent and uses the phrase,"one of my kids," in conversation, there is often an awkward moment when it's unclear to the listener whether the teacher is talking about one of his/her biological kids or his/her students. For someone who has been teaching for a long time, the line of distinction often gets blurred; since we spend so much time with them, our students often feel as though they are our biological kids, which, when you really think about it, isn't a bad thing.

7.       For teachers, choosing names for our biological children is a very complicated process. If we like a name, we go through the catalog of students we have had with the same name; that determines whether the name stays in the "maybe" or "no" category.

8.       We get a secret rush from early-outs and two hour late starts, and within reason, snow days (not six a winter). Before you assume the role of public service penny pincher, no, it's not because teachers hate their jobs or don't want to work. (FYI: As per our contract requirements, we have to make up every snow day hour even if kids don't.) An early-out in the teacher world is no different than treat days, business lunches, or days out of the office for those who work in the private sector. A little variation in the daily schedule is an unexpected breather once in a while.

9.       We really don't like inservices. It kind of depends on what kind of inservice day it is. We love work days, but generally, dislike like presentations. It's not that we don't like to learn something new. Quite the contrary, most teachers are the life-long nerds who read for fun, watch documentaries to learn something new, and flood the museums to see something we haven't seen before. Truly, we much prefer to spend our time with our students.

10.   We have ninja skills. We eavesdrop conversations even when it seems we are deaf or looks as though we are not paying attention. We can identify a speaker even with our backs turned. We train our bladders to hold liquid for 86 minutes at a time, and longer if needed. We can make students feel guilty just by looking at them, even if they haven't done anything. On the flip side, we can tell something is wrong with a student even if s/he has not said a single word. We can, and do, inhale food in less than fifteen minutes. When my husband and I go out to eat, I will have my entire meal gone before he has finished half of his.

11.   We have no inside voice. You can go anywhere in public and easily differentiate who the teachers are. That's because a teacher's voice is easily recognizable by volume level and tone. We usually sound bossy, and for that reason, people will assume we are mad. Usually, we aren't. (If we are, it's best to just stand down. We are louder than you and can out-debate you. Trust me; for those of us who work with teenagers, we have heard every argument ever created). It's just tough to shut the teacher "off."

12.   We do not like standardized tests. at. all. First, the tests question our professionalism. We are paid to teach and assess our students to determine growth and development. Why do we need a test as a double-check? Secondly, the tests are a waste of time money. They suck up valuable instruction time - time that could be used in for better, more creative, and more useful educational purposes.

13.   WARNING: I get cranky here

. These are three things you should avoid saying to a teacher (plus, a bonus for English teachers):

"When I was in school, I never . . .or I always. . ." Yes, when I was in school, things were done differently too. In some cases, those differences were good (recess), and in some cases, those difference were not so good (public shaming). Suggestions are great; we all want and need to work together to provide the best environment for our kids. However, just because you went to school, does not mean that you know the best or easiest ways to teach. Trust the educational professionals to do what they have been trained to do. And when you are upset about something, talk to the teacher; don’t bad-mouth him/her all over town.

When you find out that I am a Communications teacher, please don't say "I hate to read" or "I better watch what I say, or you will correct my grammar." Seriously, how am I supposed to respond to that? Yes, how did you guess that it is my life's desire to interrupt our conversation to tell you the proper use of who and whom? Sorry, my inner-grammar Nazi is only reserved for billboards on First Street and the West Central Tribune, not personal conversations.

"It must be nice to have your summers off." Nothing will cause a teacher to want to karate-chop you in the throat more than this sentence. The next time you consider repeating this witty phrase, consider this: 1) If you perceive that we teachers have it so good, why not join us? Get your teaching license, so you, too, can experience this incredible "perk." When faced with this proposition, most people clam up because quite frankly, they would rather have their toenails plucked off one by one than do what teachers do, 2) Spend a year with a teacher, strapped to his/her side, and see how many hours s/he works when s/he is not in school. For me personally, almost every night, I am either prepping or correcting. I work a full year in nine months. If you think I am exaggerating, see number one, 3) Summers involve planning and prepping as well. Some teachers work summer school. Since the world in which we live is dynamic, not static, education is too. We are preparing students for careers that don’t even exist yet. Therefore, good teachers don't teach the same thing the same way over and over. They continually have to adapt and change to meet the demands in society. Those months when we are "off" is when we are doing just that.

Naturally, number two on my list often elicits this response: "If you wouldn't assign so much homework, then you wouldn't have to correct it." Oh my goodness, what a revolutionary idea. Why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, because it's completely unethical. Case in point: I do not like research papers. I do not hide the fact that I dislike research papers. However, the name of the class that I teach is College-Prep, and in considering the fact that most of the papers that those students will write in college will be research papers, I have an ethical and professional responsibility to prepare them to use that skill. While it would be cool for the students to just tell me how they would write a research paper, the fact is that they have to demonstrate that they can do it.  Ergo, they must write them, and I must grade them. The end. 

14.   We have secret stashes. We hoard notes and cards from students. Even just one line can be the fuel that keeps our passion for teaching alive for many months. When something we have done or said has left a positive impact on even just one student, we are energized, and our teacher tanks are refilled.

15.   Bottom line: We love kids. Seriously. We often prefer their company to adults. It's not that we don't like adults; we just feel more comfortable around kids because they are the people with whom we spend most of our days. When we talk like them or use phrases they use, we know we sound like dorks. That's the point. Humor is one of the easiest ways to diffuse a situation and put people at ease. There is no relay without relationship. We honestly feel blessed because we GET to spend time with kids every day.