Pull Up a Chair

                For two days in a row, one of my Facebook friends has posted two separate rants. The first one was criticizing educators, and yesterday’s was about her anger in being criticized and judged concerning a moral decision she had made.

                Not surprisingly, the first rant made me prickly because it was a generalized attack on my career. Yesterday’s rant was just more or less annoying. Personally, I think Facebook should be fun; rants and debates should be relegated to venues such as this – the blogosphere. However, the fact that I even had a reaction to her rants is curious. Why do we spend so much time thinking about, worrying about, and getting angry about what someone else thinks?

                Of course, if I were to ask most people, especially teenagers, that question, I am 99% sure I know what the answer would be: “I don’t care what anyone else thinks.” In an age of self-help saturation, ego inflation, and false bravado, this is the mantra that we have basically brainwashed everyone to repeat. 

And as vehement as some people might be in defending that response as the truth, the fact is they know, just as well as you and I do. . .that’s a bunch of baloney. It’s a lie of self-defense.   In today’s society, no one wants to be perceived as weak, pathetic, or needy. To counteract the façade of dependence, we roll ourselves in the precarious protection of self-aggrandizing bubble wrap, and like a parrot, we repeat, “I don’t care what you think.” Like all bubble wrap, this process serves a select purpose (time and place), but ultimately, it gets popped.

So what’s really going on here?

After peeling away the layers of bubble wrap and stripping the situation to its barest form, it seems as though all people really want is to fit in somewhere. We want acceptance. The very worst thing that could and does happen to us is rejection – getting shoved outside the circle. And if you really think about it, all sin originates from selfishness and rejection.   All sin is a rejection of God, and rejection is one tie that binds the sins we commit.

Consider life as a matrix of circles. At the center of a circle is God, and all believers form a circle around Him. He is the center of our existence, and everything we do and are is all for Him. All of us were made to feel an inclination to be inside that circle.

When people are not believers, they are outside that circle. In fact, they form all sorts of circles as a substitute: work, hobbies, etc. Believers operate within these sub-circles too; however, for true believers, these are not substitutes or replacements for God.

Sin occurs whenever someone is, chooses to be, or perceives himself to be outside a circle, or when s/he creates a circle that excludes or rejects.  High school is notorious for this. It does not matter what size high school one attends; there are always cliques of all kinds: Jocks, preps, nerds, etc. Everyone gets thrown into a group, and while s/he may not like his/her classification, s/he is at least in a group. The people who struggle the most are those who are rejected from all groups. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. Every class always has a least one kid who is unilaterally excluded from all circles. S/he is often bullied, and across the board, his/her high school experience is traumatizing, leaving scars for life.

Sadly, this mentality is not unique to high school. Adults, too, create and maintain exclusionary circles in families, careers, and yes, churches. Like high school, the wounds leave scars, and as we all know, scar tissue is tough to cut through.

With regard to my Facebook friend, she perceived a moral lapse – both as an observer and recipient. She both rejected and felt rejected, which caused her to be upset in both circumstances. The critique of my profession was a form of rejection that I took personally. The bottom line is that no one likes getting pushed out of a circle. Our comfort comes from acceptance.

But God does no

t care about our comfort levels. In fact, he likes us to be uncomfortable. When we are, we look for ways to feel better. When we experience the cold and darkness of rejection and exclusion, He waits for us to choose His light and warmth – to rejoin His circle again and again. As always it’s our choice to reject (sin) or accept Him. . .

And help others join the circle too. Our words and actions should focus on the edification, inclusion, and acceptance of the person.  While sin (theirs and ours) is always unacceptable, the sinner is. Being in God’s circle is like standing around a campfire.  Facing a fire allows a person to see clearly and warm up. So it is with God’s presence. We see clearly who God is and are rejuvenated in His presence. Eventually, one side is warmed thoroughly, and it’s time to turn around. At that time, we can see others who are cold and miserable – who need the warmth of the fire. At that moment, we have a choice. We can pretend we don’t see him/her and keep the warmth for ourselves, or we can extend an arm and invite him/her to join us and experience the life-giving warmth of the fire. For anyone who has ever camped, s/he knows that there is ALWAYS room for another person at the fire.

 “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.” Romans 15:6-7.