Where Focus Goes, Energy Flows

For several years, Mrs. Wren has elected to use (what was supposed to be) a decorative birdhouse that hangs right by our patio door.  Each year, she returns to hatch a new batch of babies. We always know she's back because wrens have a distinctive musicality.

Anyway, once the babies have hatched, her sole focus is food.  She is back and forth and back and forth, feeding her babies.  And no matter how long she is gone, they always act like they are starved, pushing to the front/top so they can get the juiciest bits of wriggly creature in Mama's mouth. 

Everyday, competing thoughts, worries and emotions wrestle to the forefront of our minds, wanting to be fed by our time and energy.  Like Mrs. Wren, we are in constant motion - if not physically, then emotionally - feeding those thoughts.  Similar to the baby birds in the nest, our thoughts, worries, and emotions all compete for attention, jockeying for prime real estate in our minds. Not surprisingly, the noisiest, pushiest, and most demanding of those are fed first.  From what I can see, Mrs. Wren's decisions about whom to feed first is not based on priority or hierarchy of need.  She just does what she is programmed to do: Find the food and dump the food into an open mouth.  

I think we do the same thing.  Our time and energy is sopped by whatever has pushed ahead in our minds: A worry about a child, friend, or situation? A repetitive thought about a financial issue, something dumb we said, or a job task? Shame? Guilt? Irrational fear? And of course, the noisiest, pushiest, and most demanding (and destructive) of all: Anger. 

At least, that's the most frequent, uninvited guest in my head these days - anger.  The past year and a half have been personally challenging, with a steady flow of unexpected criticism, accusations, and meanness in my direction.  The result has been strong feelings of betrayal, mistrust, and of course, anger.  Operating under the premise that my actions and reactions are my responsibility, I have moved forward, trying to counteract the unkindness towards me with kindness from me. Still, the anger simmers below the surface, and I generally keep a tight lid on it.  Even so, that's maintenance of a problem, not a solution.

And then, as I was watching the Wren family, I started thinking.  Whatever you feed is what grows and gets stronger.  The babies in the nest who push forward are getting fed more and more frequently; they will leave the nest first.  If Mrs. Wren doesn't feed the others, they will die.  

What you feed, grows.  What you don't feed, dies. 

What you focus on, grows, becomes bigger and stronger.  

Eventually, just like the baby birds, it will all fly away. It just won't matter anymore.  But for now, "where focus goes, energy flows." 

So I guess the decision is about what to feed - determining the focus and subsequent energy. . .goals, joys, daily "glimmers," relationships of my choice. . .

and what not to feed. . .insecurities, negativity, disappointments, and yes, anger. 

Where focus goes, energy flows.

Thoughts on 50+

There are some false assumptions about 50+ year olds that have been on my mind. 

One assumption is that we have found the lifetime career of choice, have no interest in changing that career, and are just waiting to retire.  In the world of work, it often feels as though age is more of a liability than an asset. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.  

In my 50s, I am taking stock of what I like and what I don't like - something I have never had the time or bravery to do.  I am taking stock of what I'm willing to do and try, and what I'm fine to let pass by or out-and-out reject.  

When a person is young and/or in the thick of raising kids, you tend to be self-conscious about just about everything: Work performance, child-rearing, appearance etc.  Either that, or you are too busy trying to please or prove your value, and/or are just too busy to think about what you want. 

Finally, in your 50s, you have the opportunity to take a breath and really consider what brings you joy and want you actually want out of life, or even just a day.  

The irony is that the world puts up a hand and says, "Whoa, there.  Don't get too big for your britches.  You're a ______ (whatever they have decided you are). Just stay in your lane, take it easy, and soon, you can retire."  

Like, retirement is the ultimate golden ticket? Maybe it is; I'm not there yet, so I don't know.  But I know that even when I "retire," I won't retire.  I will just stop doing THAT and do something else.  I like to work.  I find meaning, purpose and fulfillment in working, even if it's just cleaning out a drawer.  

Dismissing 50+ people like me is a mistake.  People in this age bracket have an incredible work ethic (and I am NOT saying that under 50s don't). There are a lot of reasons for that, but suffice it to say, we go the extra mile. Likewise, 50+ have a lot to bring to the table: knowledge, skill, and experience. While this is good, it also means that, as a result, I am pretty vocal about what's on the table, what I'm asked to do at the table, and how long I am expected to be at the table.  This makes me unpopular at times.  In my 20s, I was more willing to shut up, put up, and be wrung dry so that I could please employers and keep a job that I thought would somehow go away.  Age and experience has made me wiser (and mouthier). 

Another assumption is that we have our friend groups, routines, and habits established, and therefore, are not interested in anything new.  Again, this is a false assumption.  While it's true that we have carefully curated friendships/relationships (because we now know what we want and value in relationship), to assume that we have closed the door to socialization is false.  

For example, an erroneous assumption is that the church you started attending and relationships you established in your 20s and 30s is your church for life.  While it may be true for some, it is not true for everyone. If you are a 50 something walking into a new church, you need nerves of steel.  First, most programming is geared toward families and kids, and rightfully so.  I support that 100%. Raising kids, growing a young marriage/family, and surrounding your kids/family with Godly-values and influences is super-important.  For a 50 something, however, it's a tough landscape to navigate.  Most friendships have been long-established and set. If you're an extrovert, you inwardly tell yourself, "Challenge accepted," but for an introvert, it can be daunting and difficult. 

All right. . .that's enough about assumptions.  Here are some facts about people who are 50+ (feel free to dispute or add to): 

1. We have dreams, as we always have.  Dreams are not just for the young.  These days, we reevaluate previous dreams in terms of "Is this still important to me?" and "What is the likelihood this will happen, and am I ok if it doesn't?" We consider new dreams and ask, "Ok, what are the steps I need to do to make this happen?" If anything, our dreams have more shape and definition than they ever have, since we have a clear and realistic focus/target.

2. We are a career goldmine.  Not only do we have refined skills of both depth and breadth; we have experience to go with it.  We have both common sense and wisdom.  Employers would be stupid to dismiss us.

3. We say yes just as much, if not more, than we say no.  We are no longer (or less) encumbered by the self-consciousness and self-doubt or frenetic lifestyle of the 20s, 30s, and 40s.  So we say yes - a lot.  If we say no, there is usually a damn good reason, and you best be paying attention to the why.

4. We generally want to meet new people and try new things.  Likewise, we are learning all the time. Fifty plus is a time in which we get to try all the things we never had time for before. We have a firmer grasp on what we value and what we consider to be non-negotiables, both in people and activities.  We know what hills we are willing to die on and what to let go by. Likewise, we understand and listen to our bodies better  - we know what we can and should do, and we have a realistic idea of our limitations. In short, we now choose instead of are told what to choose.

5.   We get discounts now.  That's pretty baller. 

The Seed of Truth

 Truth is a dandelion seed.

A seed arrives.  It comes through the wind in unusual ways.  It could be in a random conversation while standing in line somewhere.  It could be a paragraph in a newspaper.  It could be meeting someone new, or visiting somewhere new. 

No matter the route in which it gets to you, the seed is planted.  Since it seems like an unexpected gift, a pleasant diversion from routine living, the seed is buried, protected, watered, nurtured, and soon, a plant pushes through the soil and grows.

What joy at the discovery. The plan grows and eventually blooms.  Its bright yellow flower, contrasted by brilliant verdant stems, is sunshine and warmth in a physical form. It provides nourishment at the sight of it, but also in ingesting it.  This truth feels like it is the real thing.

And then, the flower changes shape.  Where once there were yellow petals, there is now a round head of prickly white. It has morphed into something untouchable, as the slightest touch breaks it apart, destroying it.  

What once was, now is not. It has changed, and in so doing, the true form is revealed. It is not as beautiful as was once believed. 

That which was thought to be truth is shown to be something completely different.

With a strong gust of wind, the "truth" is blown away.  And one is left with this sad fact: It was not true after all.

What is left? Something that one cannot be rid of. The seed regrows and returns year after year to mock as a reminder of naivete. The more fool oiu for thinking that anything or anyone is who or what they claim to be. 

With each gust of wind, the seeds of real truth are planted. And there is the rub.  

The truth has always been there. It has just been something the opposite of what was believed. 

When first planted, for a short moment, it seems, and sort of is, true, honorable, just pure, lovely and commendable (Philippians 4:9).

The real truth is that. . . there is no such truth on Earth or in people. We may see glimpses, which gives us hope and a vision of things to come, but for now, be cautious in seeking truth.  There is only One Source.