When Friend-ship Looks More Like the Titanic

Friendship. . .relationship. . .companionship. . .courtship. . .Have you noticed the words we use to describe our interactions with others have a –ship on the end? Since I am a wordsmith by trade, I tend to ponder these seemingly inconsequential questions in life. Word etymologies, in particular, are of interest to me.

The word, ship, itself has French origins from the 1300s. It originated as the word, vessel, which originally meant “container.” It has morphed and changed over the years so that ship or vessel is now “a person regarded as an agent or vehicle for some purpose or quality.” Adding a –ship on the end of a word indicates the state, condition, or character of a person or item.

In other words, the –ships you have in your life are an indication of the kind of person you are. Who you hang around with broadcasts what your most basic character and values are, what’s important to you, and how you would like to be regarded by the world.

Of course, you are probably not thinking about all this when you are in the midst of developing and maintaining a ­–ship. As I talked about last time, our priorities as humans are usually in trying to categorize ourselves - to figure out where we belong.

I’ve been thinking about friendship a lot lately, especially since the last couple of weeks have been trying. The frustrating realization that I have come to is that in the most difficult and disappointing times in my life, I have felt abandoned by those whom I called friends.

There seems to be an unspoken rule among the people in this category that light and frivolous topics are fine, but messy, time-consuming, and potentially-controversial topics are out.

This has always been very frustrating for me, but lately, I have decided that I have been thinking about the situation all wrong.

Have you ever noticed that when things go wrong in our worlds, God always presses us to action, and not anyone else? For example in Matthew 6:14, it says, “For If you forgive others, your heavenly father will forgive you.” And “So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First, be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift” Matthew 5:23-4.

I am guessing that there are a few reasons for this. First, the other person might not know anything is amiss, so we fester about something that someone else is oblivious to. Thus, the problem rests squarely with us, not the other person. God is calling us to right a wrong within ourselves just as much as a wrong with another person.  

Secondly, the fact that something is wrong, we notice it, and we fester or worry about it means there is sin involved. Whether it’s ours, someone else’s or a combination, it needs to be confessed and given to God, or we are at #1.

Third, the situation automatically presents a potential for growth. There is no trouble that enters our lives where God does not have a purpose for it.  We’d be smart to be thankful for trials because it is sharpening us to become the person he wants us to be.  We must confess and take responsibility for our own actions, not someone else’s. Difficult situations are pressing us to spiritual maturity. Instead of judgment, criticism, and bitterness, we concentrate more on the character of God.

With all that in mind, the advice and intervention of our friends could be a detrimental distraction and even an impediment in this process. The danger is in relying more on their opinions, acceptance, and counsel than that of our One True Friend. 

Thus, at the risk of sounding like a heretic, the best thing that can happen to us in moments of difficulty and stress is for our friends to abandon us or for God to strip us of those friendships. In those moments, we are forced to rely 100% on Him. His Counsel becomes, and is, all we ever need.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you or forsake you” Deuteronomy 31:6.  As He has promised, He is always there. He will never leave us. He always has time for us. No topics are off-limits with Him. Best of all, His advice is always spot-on.

This is good news on a day in a year when the –ships in life seem to be empty and lost at sea.