Since he had such a great experience during the previous summer, Nick once again decided that he wanted to help with maintenance at Lake Beauty Bible Camp. Now that his college finals were complete, it was time to pack up and head up to Long Prairie. After purchasing “Roxanne” (the motorcycle) last fall, Nick knew that he wanted to bring her up with him as well as his car to camp. Thus, it was necessary for Mike and me to accompany Nick this morning. Mike was in Nick’s car, Nick was on Roxanne, and I was bringing up the rear in our car.
At breakfast, it was decided that Mike would be the “pace car” in Nick’s Lumina, Nick would be sandwiched in the middle while I would bring up the rear. As you will recall, the weather was somewhat inclement this morning, so we agreed that it might be safer for Nick to be in the middle in case he had any difficulty and to make sure (to the extent that we could) that we could insulate him from other drivers due to poor visibility.
An hour and a half is enough time to get some serious thinking in, and so, I was alternately thinking and praying this morning as I was bringing up the rear in the caravan. As I watched the two vehicles in front of me, a light bulb flashed in my head.
Our little morning caravan this morning basically mimicked the last 19 years of Nick’s life. Mike and I have been the book ends in Nick’s life. Even though Nick hasn’t always been so receptive, Mike has been the “pace car” in teaching Nick the tricks of the trade in being a man. That’s not to say that there haven’t been others who have been just as influential, but Dad has been the go-to guy who has tried to set a pace for Nick.
I, on the other hand, have always and for eternity (it feels like, at least) been bringing up the rear – checking to make sure all the details are taken care of and making sure nothing (or no one) got left behind. I know for a fact that Nick has not always enjoyed my role in that regard, but I also know that he has (begrudgingly, as times) appreciated it.
Obviously, I am simplifying the situation, but as Mom and Dad, we have always “sandwiched” Nick, and it seems as though that was God’s intention when He brought Mike and me together. We are about as different as night and day, but we agree on the “big stuff,” and together, we have been alternately a shield, a protective boundary, a fence, a picket line, and a bridle for Nick throughout life.
Does that then make us model parents? No way. Parenting has been (and continues to be) the hardest job I have ever done and the only thing at life that has made me feel like a failure. It has brought me to my knees and made me feel completely inadequate. It has made me pace the floor, cry, and feel bone-aching sorrow from the depths of my core.
As I continued to trail behind Nick and Mike, the song, “Live Like That,” by Sidewalk Prophets started, which is a song that I have emotionally linked to graduation last year. It seemed to be God’s gentle reminder that in spite of my (our) inadequacies and failures as parents along the way, God wanted Mike to be Nick’s (and Erika’s) dad, and me to be Nick’s (and Erika’s) mom. The “sandwich” has been a part of God’s plan for their lives. If by God’s grace and help, Mike and I can raise two kids to be healthy, God-fearing people with servant hearts; then, every aggravation has been worth it.
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