God-Inspired Aha Moments: Part II

Here is Part II of the God-inspired aha moments.

Sadly, I need to confess that this one has to do with a pride issue. 

I'm pretty sure that I have written about this previously. If I haven't, then this has been a running commentary in my mind for pretty much this whole school year.

To explain, I have been fretting over relevancy at my job. 

Last year, I switched positions.  It was my choice; no one forced me to do it.  Last year was frustrating, but I just wrote it off because it was new.  Although some things are better this year, it hasn't been a vast improvement.

Likewise (and oh how painful this is to admit), a co-worker, whom I respect and cherish very much, is making me a little crazy.  My problem, not hers.  We are both Type As; she just happens to be more Type A than I (if that's possible).  Because she is a take-charge go-getter, she has been staying true to her personality and taking charge.  

My personality is such that when there is no leader present, I will take charge, but if there is someone else who is willing and wants to take the leadership role (and I respect what they are doing and the direction in which they are going), I am usually quite content to fade into the background and let the other person roll forward.  Usually. 

This is what has progressively been happening more and more this year.  While we are both "leaders," the intensity of her leadership has increased, and as a consequence, I have been pulling back more.  

I will admit that sometimes my feelings get hurt and/or my pride prickles a little, but it is a feeling that almost always passes as quickly as it comes.  

But (there's always a but).

My seeming passivity has been perceived (in my perception) as weakness by the people whom we have been called to lead.  In other words, when push comes to shove, more people are going to my partner than me, presumably because they feel as though she is more (fill-in-the-blank. . . knowledgeable, of a leader, dynamic, etc.) than me.  Taking a back seat has pushed me all the way to the back of the bus. 

Now, do I know that to be true?  Not necessarily, but I have taken the clues and solved the mystery. And really, does it matter of it's true?  Perception is reality.  I have already made up my mind that it's true, so for me, it is.  

Anyway, I am very ashamed to even write that.  Pathetic.  I love my co-worker to death, and she is  knowledgeable, and she is a great leader, and she is passionate.  She is deserving of admiration.  

Equally shameful is the fact that my pride-based whining has been on my mind. .too much - like waking me up in the middle of the night, causing me to re-hash every decision, comment, and interaction with my boss and co-workers.  

Until the other night.  I believe it was in the middle of the night when I had a God-inspired revelation.

There is a line in The Horse and His Boy (C. S. Lewis) that says: “Child,' said the Lion, 'I am telling you your story, not hers. No one is told any story but their own.”

When I read that line a couple of months ago, it struck me and has stayed with me.  The journey God has me own is the journey I need to concern myself with - not someone else's.

God has me in this position for a reason.  It is a challenge that has been designed specifically for me to teach me, grow me, and develop me in a specific way that God has ordained.  My job is to keep my eyes and ears trained on Him and wait for Him to say, "Move. Do. Go." 

That said, the aha moment I experienced is going to seem anti-climactic to you, but it was significant to me.  It was to simply stay the course.  My character is more important than my accomplishments. So what if I have faded to the background?  That is where God wants me to be.  It doesn't matter so much where I am; it's more about what I do when I'm there. In other words, if God wants me in the back seat, I need to pay attention to what He wants me to do and say with the people He puts in the back seat with me.  

What a liberating, peaceful thought and feeling in the middle of the night!  I felt as though a significant weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I went to work with a bounce in my step.  

Clearly, the midnight revelation was God reminding me: "Child, I am telling you your story."  Since "no one is told any story but their own," what chapter are you currently on in your story? Are you fretting over the end of the story, or are you enjoying the current plot, savoring the details, and admiring the skill of the Author who has written your story?

God-Inspired Aha Moments - Part 1: Who's the Boss

I have a couple of things on my mind - a couple of "revelations" to share.  (I'm all about the aha moments in life.)

The first has to do with an answer to prayer.  Maybe. I know that God is always answering prayer (that's not the revelation), and I also know, based on personal experience, that He rarely answers prayer in the expected way.  For the most part, I love that.  It just reinforces that He is in control, and I'm not, and I find tremendous peace and comfort in that.

Anyway, I have been praying for about a year that God would, when HE feels it's the right time, send good friends into my daughter's life - friends who will come alongside her and help her to grow in her faith.  Without getting into too many details, my daughter has largely had some terrible friends and influences in her life.  I'm not saying that they have all been heinous (although, several have), but hey definitely have not helped her to develop a strong faith or make good decisions.

Enter X (totally using a nondescript initial to throw off any speculation as to who it is).

For the past year, X has been a total burr in my saddle.  X is one of the few people in life with whom I have just straight-up had a problem.  I don't want to get into it, but the bottom line is that I have serious trust issues with X.  On the outside, X is generally admired by all and checks all the right life choice boxes to be admired by all.  I, however, saw a different side to X this year - one that I interpreted as manipulative and harmful.  Anyway, X is one of two people with whom I have struggled within the past year.

Well, wouldn't you know that X has repeatedly been in contact with my daughter.  Now based on what I told you, you probably might think that X is up to something.  Well, she is.  She just wants to get to know my daughter and build a relationship with her.  Period.  X has been completely appropriate, supportive, kind, and loving to my daughter.

I'm going to be honest.  I'm still not sure about X.  I can't quite decide if this is just another manipulative ploy, or if possibly X and I just got off on the wrong foot - that X is actually a good and decent person, and that through a series of unfortunate circumstances, she and I diverged instead of converged.

The jury is still out on that one.

Suffice it to say, though, I have prayed about X for a long time.  You know that part of the Lord's Prayer that says, "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us?"  Yeah, X is one of two people who always come to mind at that part, and so I have been asking God to soften my heart - I have been praying blessings over X.

As you can probably guess, the prayer has ultimately been more about me - the condition of my heart - than X.  And after my daughter had a recent coffee date with X, I had a sort of epiphany, and I'm pretty sure I know who orchestrated the aha moment.

The epiphany is this:  What if X is the answer to my prayer for daughter -you know, the friend to come alongside her as she grows a relationship with Christ?  Wouldn't that just be a kick in the pants?  Of course, it would, and that's certainly God's MO.  He is the God of the unexpected who likes to remind us that we know nothing and He knows everything.

For now, time will tell.  But I do have to admit that I laughed to myself in spite of myself at the thought.  I have prayed for transformed heart - for both me and my daughter.  We might just be getting a two-fer out of that one.

To be continued. . .