Yesterday was an epic fail kind of day. I have a particularly-pesky group of
sophomores, who are extremely immature and attention-seeking. In trying to adequately describe the
situation to others, I have said teaching this class is comparable to driving a
stagecoach or a wagon. I have a firm
grasp on the reins at all times because if I relax at all, I will have a
stampede on my hands.
As a teacher with 22 years of experience, I pride myself on
maintaining my composure at all times. I
have seen and heard just about everything, so it is usually difficult for
students to lure me in. Well, yesterday,
I dropped that ball big time. I didn’t
throw furniture or drop f-bombs or anything like that. I just got angry.
In the greater scheme of things, this fact is not really
that big of a deal. It is just a big
deal to me. I consider myself a
missionary of sorts. With that in mind,
I try to model Christ-like behavior so that others can see Him through me. That’s why I am so disappointed in
myself.
As I was reading my devotions, I discovered a kindred spirit
in Peter. Matthew 26 talks about the
Last Supper and the night on which Jesus was arrested in the Garden of
Gethsemane. Verses 69-74, in particular,
describe Peter’s disownment of Christ.
Of the disciples, Peter seems to be the most
passionate. He was one of those
do-first, think-later kinds of people.
In being a follower of Christ, that seemed to be an admirable quality,
especially in considering the seemingly-inexplicable and odd things that Christ
asked the disciples to do. He didn’t
allow “what-ifs” or over-thinking to get in the way of him doing Christ’s
bidding. In short, Peter was modeling
true Christian behavior.
Even so, Peter was also human, which means he was
susceptible to sin and failure, just like the rest of us. In Matthew 26, we see
Peter’s epic fail.
Early in the passage, Peter told God that he would never
betray him. Then, later in the passage, he proceeded, three times, to deny
Christ – complete with swearing! Then, according to the Bible, when the
rooster crowed, “He went outside and wept bitterly” (v. 74).
As I read this passage, I was struck with a unique and weird
observation. Why is it that when we fail, we want to be by ourselves to wallow
in our shame. Even now as I write this,
I am sitting in my bedroom with the door closed. I have erected an invisible
wall with an equally invisible sign that says, “Do not enter.” This must be an
instinctual response because it was Adam and Eve’s first impulse after sinning
in the Garden of Eden as well. They ran
and hid from God.
I suppose it is because sin (moral failure) is a betrayal of
God – our Father, Creator, Friend. We
are ashamed to face the one with whom we should have our closest
relationship. In considering all He has
done and sacrificed for us, it seems pathetic when we fail/falter in offering
up the only thing we have to give in return – ourselves.
Even in the midst of our epic fail moments, there is
encouragement. First, the fact that we
have such instinctual reactions (shame, self-loathing, a desire to run) attests
to the fact that we are/were/have been made in God’s image. We have an innate sense of right, wrong, and
sin. What a blessing to be equipped with
such knowledge! Even though choice and
consequence still lie at our feet, God has given us, as His creation, the
ability to not only choose but choose wisely. It is a matter of will, not ignorance.
“The sense of the irreparable is apt to make us despair. If
we imagine this kind of despair is exceptional, we are mistaken; it is a very
ordinary human experience. . .never let a sense of failure corrupt your new
action” (Oswald Chambers).
Secondly, we know that God covers our failures. The price for our sin has been paid. We do not have to agonize over our failures
because “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12).
God takes care of our epic fails, so we can let them
go. By running to Him versus from Him,
we find forgiveness and our new, true focus.
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