When I decided to resume my 5 am exercise regime, I needed a
new series to watch in order to keep me motivated. Quite randomly, I chose the British series, Call the Midwife, and promptly got
sucked into the storyline.
It’s been about three weeks since I started, and I consider
this series the equivalent of a good piece of chocolate. I restrict myself to one episode per day so
that I can savor it as I would a piece of chocolate.
But that isn’t the weird part.
For each episode that I watch, I always end up bawling at
some point in the show. It’s ridiculous. The obvious question would be “Why
watch the show if it makes you cry?” That is, indeed, a good question. I just
end up getting so emotionally-wrapped up in what is happening that I end up crying,
either due to joy or sadness. I am just
far too empathetic for my own good.
Since Facebook quizzes (Why Harry Potter character are you?)
are ubiquitous, the latest quiz to make the rounds in my friend groups has been
the Memorando Test based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment. While I realize that these quizzes can
quickly become self-fulfilling prophecies, I once again (I took the
Myers-Briggs Assessment in college) was deemed an INFJ. This means that I am
Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.
That said, it’s not a stretch to see why I am so empathetically-wired
and prone to waterworks.
It’s tough to decide whether or not this is a good thing. On
the one hand, I am very attuned to people’s non-verbals and moods. On a
practical level, this is useful in school because I can defuse a potentially-volatile
situation or perceive the nuances of student personality a little quicker. On
the other hand, my own emotions can sometimes override common sense and create
inner unnecessary inner turmoil.
This got me to think about emotions in the general sense.
I have started reading The
Screwtape Letters again. In one chapter, Screwtape underscores to Wormwood
that selfishness and emotions are strongholds of the Enemy. For example,
Screwtape told his nephew that disappointment always precedes an endeavor for
God. If a human can get through the roadblock of emotion, s/he will not be so
tempted again and is able to do what God asks.
I can relate. Emotion has hijacked my life’s journey several
times. It is the reason why I allowed
myself to get sucked into an eating disorder and has co-existed with every
disappointment in my life. Anger, jealousy, hurt. . .all of it has asserted
itself as an impenetrable cloud, impeding me from spiritual progress. I am not
alone.
Fear was an emotion that began in the garden as soon as Adam
and Eve sinned. It followed selfishness – the me-first act of eating the apple-even
though God had explicitly said no. “When the woman saw that the fruit of the
tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining
wisdom, she took some and ate it. She
also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then, the eyes of both of them were opened,
and they realized they were naked” (Genesis 3:6-7)
It was the first time that a new, sinful definition of word,
“fear,” evolved. “But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He
answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked, so
I hid” (Genesis 3:9-10). Prior to that, the fear of the Lord existed, but it
meant awe and respect. Fear changed the
course of mankind and has impeded us from obedience from that time forward.
Fear blocks faith. The two cannot co-exist; it’s either one or the other.
Likewise, pride is a multi-faceted word. Most people see it as a brash arrogance,
which it certainly can be. It can also
be any other selfish emotion – disappointment, frustration, fear, jealousy,
etc. The fact is that they are ALL selfish emotions because they stem from OUR
personal expectations, not God’s.
So if they are so problematic and often lead us to sin, why
did God create emotions? Why do they even exist? Why did He create some people
with an extra-sensitive, empathetic, emotional streak?
Emotions are only problematic when they originate from self.
When they are God-inspired, they are beautiful.
Galatians 5:22 provides a marvelous list to illustrate that fact: “But
the Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” The emotion is not the problem; the
origin of emotion is.
Oswald Chambers writes: “One of our severest lessons comes
from the stubborn refusal to see that we must not interfere in other people’s
lives.” Our focus is to be only on God – so attuned to Him – that we receive
our directives, including emotively-based ones, from Him.
To explain, helping others can be an act of love. . .if God
has called us to it. While our hearts
may be in the right place, helping others can also be a detriment to our faith,
even when we justify our actions as Godly. For example, if people run around trying to “help”
all the time, they will wear themselves out and lose focus on the One from whom
all energy, focus, goodness, and love originate. As Chambers says, “a saint is
never consciously a saint; a saint is consciously dependent on God.”
Immediately, the question is how do I know when it’s me or
God that is controlling my emotions? The answer is that if you have to ask that
question, then you have not yet completely died to self or risen to the level
of being wholly connected to Him in the first place.
God is the author and creator of all things, including
emotion. He does not allow something to exist or happen that does not, in some
way, correlate with His Will and Plan. When we align ourselves with the
Creator, we see emotion, not as a pesky nuisance, but as a useful way to love
one another more deeply and ultimately show our love for Him.
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