The Popcorn Pastor's No-Plan Plan

Yesterday was my 44^th birthday. Since Qdoba had sent me a buy one, get one email coupon, my husband and I decided to go there for dinner with another couple.

When we arrived and as we were standing in line, Pastor Paul walked in. Pastor Paul is some sort of associate pastor for the local Assembly of God church in town; he is also the chaplain for the local jail. While AG does have a significant following in the town in which I live, it doesn’t seem to matter the denomination.

EVERYONE in town knows and loves Pastor Paul. And when he walked into Qdoba last night, the atmosphere visibly changed.

Since he knows my good friend rather well, he walked right up to her in the middle of Qdoba and gave her a big hug. Then, he saw another person whom he knew in front of us and hugged her. Even the staff at Qdoba is well-acquainted with Pastor Paul. I don’t know how much he actually eats there, but they all knew him and happily started joking with him.

It seems as though everyone has a Pastor Paul story to tell. He makes the rounds in town – eats popcorn and visits with the locals at Target, people-watches/visits at Walmart; he has an informal route and is happily interruptible. God is his top priority, and people – all people, not just members of his congregation- are a close second. Several of my friends have been blessed by his compassion and concern.

Likewise, based on what I have seen and heard his character and demeanor correlate. It may sound cheesy, but his life seems to be an empirical example of a walking sermon. I have never heard a bad word said about Pastor Paul, and as I was standing in line next to him, I heard him say to the Qdoba clerk, “Don’t forget to charge me extra because I had a little extra added to my meal.” People are always watching and listening, especially when you think they aren’t. All this was flowing through my mind as he worked the crowd at Qdoba.

Not for the first time in my life did I find myself thinking, “I want to be Pastor Paul.”

Let me tell you about the last couple of months in my life. I haven’t been writing for a while, and it’s largely because my life has been hi-jacked. . .well. . .by my life. Let’s see. . .my son has graduated from junior college, is in the midst of leaving our house to establish his own in another city so that he can finish his Bachelor’s degree, and has left for the summer to work at a Bible camp for the third year. My daughter has graduated high school, is in the process of getting registered for college, and has left for the summer to work at a different Bible camp – in a place three hours from home and where she knows absolutely no one. A week ago, I had LASIK eye surgery and have been recovering from that as well as tying up the loose ends of the school year. These are all good things, to be sure, but as most can attest, change is a force to be reckoned with at times.

The two bigger struggles within the last couple of months are these: 1) coming to grips with the fact that I am an empty nester, and 2) contemplating what I want to do with the rest of my life. Don’t get me wrong; I am loving the down time, quiet in the house, reduced grocery bill, and general order of my house. But, at the risk of sounding like a whiner, my whole life has been centered around my family – their activities, schedules, well-being, etc. I realize that I am not losing my family; however, the dynamic is changing significantly. It’s not that they don’t need me; it’s that the word, “need,” is changing in definition.

Likewise (and I have written about this before), I don’t know what do to with my life. It sounds super-silly. I am a high school English teacher. Therefore, I could easily use this to define who I am and merrily ride this pony to retirement. However, I am terrified that is what will happen. I have always been of the mind-set that this teaching gig was temporary; visions of ultimately attending my own teacher retirement party make me queasy. It’s not that I hate teaching. It’s just that I get a niggling sense that teaching is one chapter in a life filled with multiple chapters. I think it's more the fear of doing one thing my whole life. There is such a smorgasbord of options; I don't want to miss out.

So what am I supposed to do? Now that I have the “freedom” to pursue whatever I want to do – no more band or choir concerts, no more sporting events, etc- what do I want to do? Naturally, I have started making lists: Go back to school? Doctorate? Seminary? Teacher exchange? Volunteer for hospice? Learn a new hobby? Foster parents? Rather than calm me, the lists stress me out even more.  I feel pressure to make the last half (presumably) of my life “count,” so whatever I choose better be good.

Then, last night, I got a much-needed reality check when I saw Pastor Paul. That guy is so successful, so well-liked, so at peace because he is just happy TO BE. He is doing exactly what all people of Christ are called to do, which is ABIDE. 

“Abide in me, and I will abide in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me” (John 15:4).

At face value, Pastor Paul seems to live his life in tune with the Spirit. I don’t know the guy that well, but based on perception, it seems as though Pastor Paul walks into any room and situation with his “Spirit-antennae” up. He goes to wherever and to whomever the Spirit directs him, and because of it, Pastor Paul has an aura of palpable peace that naturally draws people to him.

Oswald Chambers write about the situation in this way in his book, My Utmost for His Highest. “Which are the people who have influenced us the most? Not the ones who thought they did, but those who had not the remotest notion that they were influencing us. In the Christian life the implicit is never conscious; if it is conscious it ceases to have this unaffected loveliness which is the characteristic of the touch of Jesus. We always know when Jesus is at work because He produces in the commonplace something that is inspiring.”

Yeah, I want to be Pastor Paul.

Actually, scratch that. I want to be the Missy that God wants me to be in and at the moment He wants me to be. I’d be lying if I said I would throw my lists out; however, it’s time to quit staring at the lists and pay attention to what’s going on around me. It’s time for my life verse to become my life’s pursuit:

“And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ – to the glory and praise of God” (Philippians 1: 9-11).