Mild insomnia has become an increasingly frequent by-product
of being middle aged. Typically 3 a.m. is the “witching hour” for me. For
whatever reason, my mind kicks into overdrive at that moment, and when my
thoughts cause the tossing and turning to become annoying, I get up and wander
around a bit.
These nocturnal, or perhaps diurnal, thoughts vacillate
between the extremes of brilliant and ridiculous. For example, some of my best
lesson plans and class activities have been formulated during a 3 a.m. “think
session.” On the flip side, some of the irrational, paranoid conclusions have
resulted from these “toss-and-turn” moments as well. For example, I have been
known to fret over deadlines and single phrases that people have said to me or
about me. What am I going to do about it at 3 a.m.?
Last night, I awoke with a single thought in my head: “You
have not because you ask not.”
It’s a portion of the James 4:1-3 verses: “You want what you
don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others
have, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have
what you want because you don’t even ask God for it.” I will confess that I had
to look up the origin on the phrase. Here is the weird deal. I have no idea why
that phrase was in my head. I did not read James yesterday, so I guess I had a
holy appointment at 3 a.m.
As I sat and chewed on that phrase, I heard a voice inside
my head say, “What do you want?” What DO
I want? I asked myself. As my mind started to formulate a wish list, I
heard the voice say, “If you had to pick one thing, what would you ask for?”
I don’t know how much profundity is happening at 3 a.m., but
after considering the question for a bit, there was one word on my tongue, “fulfillment.”
Just for fun, this morning I looked up the definition of the
word, “fulfillment,” and this is what I read: “1) satisfaction or happiness as
a result of fully development one’s abilities or character, and 2) the
achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted.” Even now, I get
shivers as I write this because YES, that is exactly what I want. How could I
be so articulate and clear at 3.a.m.?
Matthew 7:7-12 says: “Ask and it will be given to you, seek
and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who
asks receives; he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be
opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if
he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil,
know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in
heaven give good gifts to those who ask him? In everything, do to others what
you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
Clearly, God waits for us. He wants to give us our heart’s desires. All we need to do is ask,
seek, and knock. The ball is in our courts. When we move, He moves. It’s seems
so simple, and it is. The only thing
that ever stops us is the grown-up within.
Somewhere along the line, we lose our child-like curiosity,
our child-like sense of wonder, and our child-like sense of adventure. As
adults, logic, independence, and control take over as priorities in our lives
and thoughts. While the world embraces and admires such qualities, in the
spiritual realm, these qualities can quickly translate into sin as we rely more
on ourselves than God. When it comes to decision-making, we prefer independence
over dependence on Him. Yet God has made it crystal clear that he prefers and
demands a different way of thinking in order for us to truly be children of God. “And He said, Truly
I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never
enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 8:13
While He invites us to ask, seek, and knock, it seems pretty
clear that God not only wants, but requires, us to appeal to Him with the heart
and attitude of a child. That also means toeing the line as a child must do
when s/he is being trained.
As any parent can attest, training a child is hard work. One
has to suffer through tantrums and even make personal sacrifices in order to
achieve success in child-rearing. Ultimately, a parent wants compliance (which
can be one of the stormiest and most miserable aspects of parenting) in order
to be able to 1) show the child how to develop into the kind of adult s/he was
meant to be, and 2) impress upon the child the importance of empathy, compassion,
and consideration of others.
The above description could easily describe the bumpy path
for anyone, especially an adult, who is submitting to God in order to really be
a child of God.
My husband’s two favorite phrases, which he used frequently
with our kids throughout their formative years, are “’’Sorry’ is just a word”
and “Good things happen to good kids.”
These same phrases seem to equate well for those of us who
are earnestly seeking child-like submission to our Heavenly Father. First, as
we prepare to ask, seek, and knock, we need to fully understand that “’Sorry’
is just a word.” The word, “sorry,” requires action and restitution in order
for things to be made right again. Likewise, we need to carefully examine our
own lives. Have we made amends with our Heavenly Father and those around us?
Oswald Chambers states it this way in My Utmost for His Highest”: We mistake defiance for devotion;
arguing with God for abandonment. We will not look at the index. Have I been
asking God to give me money for something I want when there is something I have
not paid for? Have I been asking God for liberty while I am withholding it from
someone who belongs to me? I have not forgiven someone his trespasses; I have not
been kind to him; I have not been living as God’s child among my relatives and
friends. I am a child of God only by regeneration, and as a child of God, I am
good only as I walk in the light.”
When we humble ourselves, clean up our messes to the degree
that we can, and approach our Heavenly Father with child-like curiosity,
wonder, adventure, and unshakable faith, then we ask, seek, and knock with
abandon and without fear. Then, we can be assured that “Good things happen to
good kids.”
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| My husband and our kids circa 2008 |
