Prior to this experience, I had claimed Jeremiah 29:11 as my life verse: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to proper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Now, 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, and the new has come!" and Mark 12:30-31 "Love the Lord Your God with all your hear, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself" have become significant to me as well. The first verse was the theme verse for "Giro Total" at IPEE. The second was the text upon which the sermons were based while we were in Ecuador.
When I went on this trip, I had been struggling for the past three years with the whole concept of church, particularly the people with whom I was attending church. The concept of "church family" was an oxymoron to me. With that in mind, my biggest concern for this trip was not the food, or safety, or my family; it was having to spend ten days with so many church members.
For this trip, I was so blessed to have my best friend as my prayer partner. She knew my concerns, and I have no doubt that she bathed me daily in prayer, specifically addressing this issue. I know that because in my estimation, I functioned well with Team Ecuador. While in Ecuador, all of the "gunk" from the past did not emerge, and we were all able to interact and work well together. As Nick said, "We started as a team and became a family." Therefore, I am hoping that 2 Corinthians 5:17 has become reality for me. I want to be free of the chains of bitterness, so we'll see what the next couple of weeks brings.
As to the verse in Mark, I think I did find with the second part - loving my neighbor, but I really think I have to concentrate on the first part more. With regard to this trip, there were three specific circumstances in which 100% faith was required. The first occurred before we had even left U.S. soil, and the other two occurred when we were in the thick of it. I have blogged about all three, so I don't need to reiterate them. When I sit back on my heels and review the situations, I am awed by the power of absolute faith. I know that sounds so cliche, but it's true. In the circumstances when I had absolutely nothing - no power, no resources, and no choice - God stepped up to the plate and delivered. Here is where the challenge now begins for me.
I have returned to the land of resources; I have access to whatever I need to make something happen. The challenge will now be for me to maintain the same desperate, simplistic, and total faith that I had in those circumstances. Rather than try to control the situation or manipulate it by my own power, the challenge will be for me to look to God first and myself second. Since I have already experienced the fruits of His favor, I think that I will be able to do it.
That's another good point. "Re-entry" into the U.S. and status quo has been tough for me. Physically, I had some difficulty with getting used to American cuisine again, but I've also been struggling with the pace and circumstances of my life. I don't think I'm alone in this regard either. To explain, life at home means boatloads of stress - school is right around the corner, so I have to prepare my classes; school is right around the corner, which means I have to help the kids get organized and prepared; my email inboxes are full and awaiting responses; there are family and friend commitments; the house needs to be cleaned, groceries need to be purchased. It's just too much, and it causes me to lose focus on what's most important. The most terrifying aspect, though, is the fact that I'm figured out that so much of it is meaningless and is sucking away my joy and purpose. This is terrifying in the aspect that I realize it and now must decide what I want to do about it. I guess what I mean is that being in Ecuador pushed the "reset" button on several aspects of my life. Now, I have to decide how I want to act on those "reset" issues.
I just can't help but think that God has a bigger plan for me. It's not necessarily that I think He wants me to become a foreign missionary, but I do think that I'm stalled right now and have become stagnant in some areas of my life. I believe that if I continue to pray and keep my nose in His Word, He will lead me in a new direction. I/we are on the cusp of something big. Even if we're not, it's better to live that way than buried in routine and stagnancy.
After thinking it through, I think that IPEE campimento was the best part of the trip for me. It just reinforces the fact that God has equipped me to relate better to teenagers (except my own two kids!) versus little kids. Although, my experience with Audrey shook me to my core. The absolute truth of the matter is that I have a passion for all kids (and animal, but that's another blog). There is so much possibility and potential in a child; that probably explains why I try to bend over backwards to support their dreams. Sadly, they (we) all learn soon enough about disappointment, and I don't want to be the adult that introduces them to that reality.
This trip also reinforced to me that I work and function so much better in a small group/one-on-one situation. I really enjoyed praying with the kids in the small group, and I also enjoyed and appreciated working in small group with my fellow Team Ecuador travel mates. I struggle with perspective, so being in a small group allowed me to gain perspective, which was valuable for growth.
Rejection has always been my number one struggle in life. In the past, I haven't been able to put my finger on it, but this trip has allowed me to figure it out. Any time I avoid trying something new, avoid a social situation, or feel intense sadness/depression - whether school, church, or family-related, it's always about rejection. On this trip, I had to make a decision; I could hang back and wait to be approproached, which would most certainly affect my trip experience, or I could dive in, regardless of the circumstances, which would most certainly affect my trip experience. Though it was a struggle for me on many occasions, I chose the latter, and it made a world of difference. Of course, I was still rejected on several occasions throughout the trip. In the past, this would have devastated me, and I would have retreated - having to nurse my bruised ego. However, with God's help, I immediately recognized the rejection for what it was - "owned" it, as I like to say, - then, I moved on. The attempt was far more beneficial to God's kingdom than a withdrawal would have been. In other words, doing something was far better than having done nothing, and so I hope to apply this to my life back here in the "real" world as well.
The U.S. is completely screwed up with regard to its value system. It is completely laughable that we are supposed to be perceived as a "super-power" or a country to be envied because, seriously, we are pathetic. First, the materialism of the U.S. is embarrassing. The crap we have, the crap we buy, and the crap we think we have to have is overwhelming. The crap is only serving to skew our viewpoints and distract us from what's most important. When I look around my house and see all the useless junk and redundant junk we have, I am embarrassed that I once thought it was so important. Does this mean that I have now become a granola purist? Not so much, but I will definitely be more mindful in purchasing, especially in considering the circumstances in which so many have lived on so little.
Secondly, the way we treat each other is abominable. We are so selfish and self-involved. We are so concerned with how we are perceived and how we can get ahead of someone else rather than focusing on how we can make our lives AS WELL AS someone else's better. In Ecuador, I was greet with a hug and a kiss everywhere I went, by everyone I met. The warmth was real. Someone on the trip said that when you have nothing, love is only thing you can give, and that seemed to be very true. What's wrong with us? Why is it we can barely shake hands with one another? I felt valued and accepted in a culture to which I was a complete stranger. I think there is a moral in there to be examined. Likewise, we have skewed the concept of physical contact in this world. It is not dirty or perverted. A hug is the purest form of affection that binds two people together. It conveys compassion, affection, and concern. It is good.
A few words on people who have left an impact with me:
3. Abuela Consuela (Random Grandma): Her openness and prayers are humbling. She is a rock for the Dios Es Amor church.
5. Reuben: No matter what time we got home, he was always there to greet the bus. No matter how badly we clogged the toilet, he ran to our rescue. When he and Un Paro made up beds in a new room (with a toilet that worked) with new sheets, we were surprised by their thoughtfulness and kindness.
7. Amy Korthuis: Even though we were thousands of miles apart, she was right there with me. As my prayer warrior, I know that she was bathing her family, me, and my family in prayer everyday, several times throughout the day.
8. Faith Johnson: I appreciated the talk we had about kids and preparing to have one leave the nest.
9. Oscar Overcash: I've already talked about his influence in subsequent blogs. Oscar's perspective, optimism, and encouragement on this trip was invaluable.
13. Christian: Like Michael, Christian seemed to be everywhere we were. Christian commandeeered the taxi to get us to La Restauracion to make the meal, and Christian bent over backwards to help us in the kitchen. In observing the dynamics of the situation, it seems as though Christian tries his best to help Monica as well. Christian has a definite servant's heart.
15. Joel and Kim Delp: These two turn their backs on good jobs in the U.S. because they both, individually, felt called to become missionaries. Now, they and their son are in Quito following God's call. I appreciated their hospitality in allowing Team Ecuador to infiltrate and overrun their home for a few hours. Plus, my boys were bragging up and down about Kim's cookies!
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