Self, Others, Stand Up

 Today was the 9th Grade Respect Retreat.  Last year was the first year that I have ever gone, and I have been teaching for 33 years, 24 of which have been in Willmar.  The only other retreats I ever attended were the Senior Retreats for both of my kids when they were seniors in high school.  The retreat for Erika's class was a stab in the heart that I DO NOT want to ever relive.  

So yes, I was apprehensive when I was asked to chaperone last year.  But it was great, and so, I went this year as well.  The kids were a little more naughty, but they are very immature.  

Anyway, the last activity is the candlelight sharing activity.  Prior to that moment, the kids are given cards and are asked to fill out a pledge on that card.  The theme is obviously respect, and there are three categories: self, others, and stand up. After making a pledge, kids can share, or not.  It's up to them.  

I decided to complete this activity myself.  

1. I will respect myself. . .

• by acknowledging that I am not a mistake.  In my lowest moments, I tell myself that I am one - that I wasn't supposed to be born. But the truth is that God ordained that I should be born, exactly as I am - size, coloring, temperament, flaws, and gifts.  God has allowed me to experience heartaches, failures, and pain because He has something better for me, wants more for me.  Those heartaches are allowed so that I can become the person He ordained for me to be. 

• by not hurting myself. My expectations for myself do not include margin for error.  They demand perfection - all or nothing.  My size and shortcomings - a temper, a raucous mouth, inconsistencies, moodiness, etc - do not define me.  When I fall short of my expectations, I need to give myself grace, just as God does, and begin again.  The fact that I recognize my shortcomings AND want to do better is positive. Good health is both mental and physical. One affects the other.

• by nurturing my creative side.  These are needs; they are compulsions that God equipped me with from birth.  God is a creative God, so He gets it and wants me to use it.  Work. . .others. . .they are all important, but not more important than being fed. I feel alive when I create. I feel alive when I let my mind wander, dream, problem-solve.  All of those are creative efforts, as necessary as oxygen.

• by resting. Reading a book is not a waste. Napping is not a waste. Lying on the dock and listening to the water is not a waste. Worrying is a waste.  Reliving failures is a waste. Fretting over things and people I cannot control is a waste. Sleep is health. Sleep is repair to the body and mind. Sleep is restorative. Rest is refilling a depleted tank.

2. I will respect others. . .

• by giving them the benefit of the doubt.  I will readily admit that my life circumstances and events have caused me to lose wholesale trust in almost everyone I know.  Now, my first impulse is to assume the worst.  But I would guess most people think as I do from the standpoint of wanting to be a better version of themselves. I will assume the best instead of the worst, and even when the worst is the truth, I will acknowledge that there is more than I know that is fueling their behavior.  They have their own pain, which is causing them to want to inflict pain on others.  Empathy, not judgment, is respect.

• with encouragement. It costs nothing to offer an encouraging word or glance, but it sends the message, "I see you."  Sometimes, that is all people want - an acknowledgement - not necessarily agreement or help.  It's important to remember that the words used to encourage someone aren't as important as the fact that we were on someone's mind and they stopped to let us know that.  As a words person, I get worked up about saying the right thing.  It's important, but not as important as noticing. 

• by being present - not looking at a watch, not wishing I was elsewhere, not hurrying to end the conversation.  I respect others with my eye contact and attention.  Rather than concentrate on the running list in my head, I will strive to really listen and record important details in my head. 

• by not interrupting them. Almost always, I do not intend to be rude.  My brain is just working so fast that it runs out of my mouth.  But the other person doesn't know that.  The only message coming through to them is that I think what I have to say is more important. When I want to interrupt, I will remember the talking piece in RJ.  When I don't have the talking piece, I wait for my turn.  The same is true in ordinary conversation. 

3. I will stand up. . .

• when I see willful attempts to cause others pain. Those who do that do not like themselves. This causes them to try to have power over another. Because they are in pain, because they feel small, they want someone else to feel pain and feel small as well.  I will intervene, as gently as I can, and not stay silent. 

• and speak. I often shrink myself or swallow my words to appease others and keep the peace.  For most of my life, I have avoided conflict, but I feel as though I have the wisdom to discern when to keep quiet and when to speak.  My voice is as necessary and important as someone else's.

• for my faith.  Much of what I just said applies here as well.  To avoid conflict, I have allowed insults, misinformation, and bullying to pass. I need to remember that I was born for God's glory.  My purpose is do His Will, whatever that is at any given moment. To shrink away, to stay silent is the ultimate letdown to my Creator and Savior. God has promised that if I move in faith, He will provide the words. 

• and remove myself from conversations and situations that aren't Godly, kind, or productive.  Within a few words, the direction, vibe, and focus of a conversation is usually evident. It is at that point that I need to make a choice. If I stay, the "ick" will sink into my skin, attitude, mouth, and heart.  Who I am is a product of the company I keep and the stimuli I allow in my eyes, mind and heart. 

"Hey, I Know a Guy"

Every morning, I read/study three different sources: The Bible (one passage from the Old Testament, and one from the New), The Complete Works of Oswald Chambers, and Streams in the Desert. Today, the ideas in all three seemed to merge.

This morning's Bible passage was Matthew 9: 1-8, the story of healing the paralytic man:

"Jesus stepped into a boat, crossed over and came to his own town. 2 Some men brought to him a paralyzed man, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the man, “Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven.”3 At this, some of the teachers of the law said to themselves, “This fellow is blaspheming!”

4 Knowing their thoughts, Jesus said, “Why do you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts? 5 Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? 6 But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “Get up, take your mat and go home.” 7 Then the man got up and went home. 8 When the crowd saw this, they were filled with awe; and they praised God, who had given such authority to man."

I wondered why Jesus didn't heal the man just as soon as he forgave his sins? Wasn't that the whole point as to why his friends brought the paralyzed man to Jesus in the first place? We're told that Jesus capitulated because of the teachers of the law, but in doing so, He seems a little peeved about finally healing the man, like "Fine. You don't believe me? Well, here you go." Seems. Hold that thought.

As I pondered this, a few light bulbs started going off. First, the paralyzed man is typically regarded as the protagonist in the story, but what about the FRIENDS of the man? They are the ones who initiated the whole process. I can imagine them standing around their paralyzed friend and saying, "Hey, I know a guy. . .I've heard about Him and what He has been doing. I KNOW He can fix this." The paralyzed man, having nothing to lose, but really no skin in the game - no faith, let himself be brought to this "guy."

Jesus's initial decision was to forgive the man's sins. He obviously COULD have healed the man right away, but He CHOSE not to. Why? Well, as we know (and for some of us - me), it takes multiple passes to underscore the fact that Jesus does nothing other than what is of benefit to His plan - both for our lives, the lives of others, and the world. He didn't heal first because it just wasn't the right time or action for His plan. Of course, this leads to the question of why. Why would it have been so bad to just heal the guy right away as soon as his sins were forgiven?

Obviously, only Jesus knows that answer, but again, I started letting my mind wander about the scenario. The conclusion I come to is that healing the man before he was ready could have either been a "left turn" in God's Plan, or in the very least, a throwaway. To explain, if only the man's physical life, and not his heart, was changed, then the action was futile. Yeah, he was able to walk, but for what purpose? For his own benefit, or for God's. A physical healing so monumental, so life-changing, had to be accompanied by an internal change.

Then, I read Oswald next, and his opening line was "We imagine we would be all right if a big crisis arose; but the big crisis will only reveal the stuff we are made of, it will not put anything into us. "If God gives the call, of course, I will rise to the occasion." You will not unless you have risen to the occasion in the workshop, unless you have been the real thing before God there. If you are not doing the thing that lies nearest, because God has engineer it, when the crisis comes instead of being revealed as fit, you will be revealed as unfit. Crises always reveal character."

Suffering sucks. It doesn't matter what kind it is: Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, all of the above. It sucks more than anything in the world, and yet, wise people know that suffering is the sweet spot of growth.

Today's devotion in Streams in the Desert affirms this idea by stating: "There is a mysterious power in suffering, something beyond human understanding. Every truly great and holy life has gone through deep pain. When a suffering soul reaches a place of calm acceptance—when it can quietly smile at its pain and no longer even ask God to take it away—then suffering has done its sacred work.

In this perfection of suffering, the Holy Spirit works many wonders within us. The whole person becomes still under God’s hand. The mind, heart, and will are finally surrendered. A deep quietness settles over the soul. Words grow fewer, questions fade, and the cry of 'Why have You forsaken me?' falls silent."

Suffering is often unfair, undeserved, and seems unendurable. And yet, even though it's a controversial, unsavory idea, believers know that suffering is necessary to grow faith. "The imagination no longer chases empty dreams. Reason becomes gentle and humble. Choices no longer matter except for following God’s will. The heart grows free from its attachments to things and people. In this place, nothing can harm, offend, or stop it. No matter the circumstances—good or bad—it seeks only God and His purpose, fully trusting that He is working everything together for good" (Streams in the Desert).

Therefore, in my way of thinking, the paralyzed man must not have spent enough time in the "workshop." Even so, Jesus healed him anyway. As Chambers explained, "If you have not been worshipping [spending time in prayer, reading the Bible, etc], as occasion serves, when you get into the work, you will not only be useless yourself, but a tremendous hindrance to those who are associated with you." In other words, too soon can be detrimental.

With God, there is no "too soon." There is "right on time." The point being, the focus of the passage in Matthew was the friends, the focus was on the paralyzed man who walked, the focus was on the people who were there, and it was about the teachers of the law. Nothing was an accident, and I believe whatever perceived "drama" wasn't drama at all; Jesus was being intentionally direct. Jesus timed it all perfectly and ended up playing the situation four different ways. Genius.

Knowing all that, it's hard to believe that I - anyone- could doubt Him. His Plan is perfect. His timing is perfect. His intentions for my life are perfect. All He asks from me is my faith, my trust, and my willingness to say, "Hey, I know a guy. . ."